Bad news already
This is just my second posting since taking a two-and-a-half-year hiatus, and I have unpleasantness to report.My house was burglarzed on Saturday. I’m OK (I wasn’t home) and the cats (who were home) are OK. I keep telling myself that’s what’s important; everything else can be repaired or replaced.I have two smashed doors, and lost my desktop and laptop computers; all my DVDs (about 40), two PDAs, one portable DVD player, one cell phone and accessories, and all my gold jewelry, much of which were gifts from my later father.So I’m gather receipts and other documentation for insurance. I hope to have a computer at home soon; in the meantime, I’ll updating from home.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
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2004-11-22 22:24:09 truthseeker
I really sorry to read of this Invasion of your home is awful because its a personal invasion and it takes time to recover from that despite no damage to you or the cats.
2004-11-23 08:20:02 Tyche
Oh no!!! At least you're okay, and so are the cats. Everything else is just stuff. Granted, I'm sure you're most torn about the jewelry, but at least you're safe.
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2004-11-23 12:12:12
This is just my second posting since taking a two-and-a-half-year hiatus, and I have unpleasantness to report.My house was burglarzed on Saturday. I’m OK (I wasn’t home) and the cats (who were home) are OK. I keep telling myself that’s what’s important; everything else can be repaired or replaced.I have two smashed doors, and lost my desktop and laptop computers; all my DVDs (about 40), two PDAs, one portable DVD player, one cell phone and accessories, and all my gold jewelry, much of which were gifts from my later father.So I’m gather receipts and other documentation for insurance. I hope to have a computer at home soon; in the meantime, I’ll updating from home.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2004-11-23 12:12:12 Update: Health and Weight Loss
I had a pre-op consultation with a gastric bypass surgeon on Oct. 13, 2003. Gastric bypass is a very popular surgery, and like many doctors who perform this procedure, he had a long waiting list. I spent the months before the consult researching the procedure and having the pre-op tests done.On the day I consulted with the bariatric surgeon, I weighed 365 pounds. (I’m 5 feet, 8 inches tall.) I was exhausted all the time, got short of breath and back spasms after walking less than two city blocks and had to rest after climbing a few steps. I wore size 32 clothes and assumed I would die from heart disease in a few years. Frankly, I welcomed that fate. I had little pleasure in living. All I did was eat, go to work (where I ate some more) and sleep. I had type II diabetes for which I took oral meds. All my joints ached. But I learned about gastric bypass, and for the first time in years, I had real hope that I could lose a lot of weight, keep it off and have a semi-normal life and appearance. As I have written in earlier entries, and as I have felt most of my life, hope is a dangerous thing for me. I start to believe something positive will happen, and when it doesn’t, I get so disappointed and bitter that my life doesn’t seem worth living.For reasons too complicated to go into, I did not have the surgery. I cried for days when I realized it would not happen, and just wanted my miserable existence to end.But for reasons I don’t understand completely understand, I embarked on a diet. I kept track of everything I ate (using fitday.com) and averaged 1,500 calories daily. I met every other month with a nutritionist, and got a check-up every three months with my primary care doc.It was hell. The first seven months I was hungry nearly all the time. I don’t mean head hunger; I don’t mean a few sporadic hunger pains. I mean stomach cramps and pains that woke me from sleep. I mean hunger so severe that I lost my short-term memory and the ability to do math. I mean hunger so severe that I had trouble seeing because my eyes would not focus. I mean hunger so severe that I rejoiced when daylight savings time arrived, because it meant for that one day, I would be hungry one less hour.I begged my doctor and nutritionist to let me increase my calories to 1,800 a day. They said I would not lose weight if I did, and that eventually, the hunger would go away. After the fifth month, both said they had never had a patient so hungry for so long and didn’t know what to tell me, except not to go over 1,500 calories unless I wanted to regain the weight I had lost.Finally, in May, the hunger eased. I had lost 100 pounds. My short-term memory came back with the addition of Vitamin B complex supplements, and the other side effects went away.I’m still on the 1,500-calorie diet. I exercise for at least 90 minutes most days, and I keep track of every morsel of food that I consume. I’ve lost 140 pounds in less than 14 months, and hope to lose another 30, getting down to a weight of 195 pounds. I look years younger and feel energetic. I don’t have to spend all day Saturday in bed because I’m not exhausted from hauling around all that extra weight. People say I smile and laugh more.Mu quality of life has improved. I used to worry about finding parking less than a block from where I was going, or avoided building that didn’t have elevators. I drove a minivan because I could not fit behind the wheel of anything smaller. Flying was a nightmare because I didn’t fit comfortably in the airplane seats and needed a seat belt extender, to boot. And walking long distances in huge airport and parking lot lugging a suitcase was something I was physically unable to do.Since May, however, I’ve taken three trips, including one overseas. I walked everywhere, for miles at a time, sightseeing.I’ve gone from a dress (well, pants and shirt, because I almost never wear dresses or skirts) size 32 to size 18. I’ve had to replace my wardrobe several times. If it weren’t for eBay, I’d be naked, because I couldn’t afford to buy new clothes every time I lost a size or two. People who haven’t seen me in a year gasp when they encounter me.I take care with my appearance now. My lovely dredlocks are below my shoulders, and I recently dyed my hair very dark brown to get rid of the gray. I wear shirts tucked in, and I wear a belt for the first time in 25 years, because now, I have a waist!But it’s not all stylish clothes and people being flabbergasted at the new me. Losing this much weight and continuing to lose and then keeping it off is hard fucking work. I am seldom full, and never get to eat as much as I want, or even what I want. I used to eat four to six ice cream Dove bars every day; I cut them out cold turkey. I almost never have candy or cake or doughnuts or cookies; chocolate is mostly just a memory.Losing a massive amount of weight means constantly depriving myself of the things that give me the most pleasure. It is a miserable existence, just as miserable the existence I had when I was supermorbidly obese. I’ve traded one kind of misery for another.And physical appearance? Sure, I look presentable in my size 18 jeans and tucked in, fitted blouse. But get me out of my bra and compression shorts, and it is a horror show. My formerly full, plump, squeezable breasts look like deflated footballs. My butt is flat. I have rolls of redundant skin hanging over my stomach and pubic area, and my thighs look like cottage cheese AND have rolls of skin just above the knees. My upper arms have so much excess skin that they flap. I’m glad I found the strength to lose so much weight. I’m enjoying my new, healthy life. But it’s a struggle, and always will be.Want to see before and after pictures? Go here: http://photos.yahoo.com/kasey0613and click on Kasey ASD.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2004-11-26 09:30:19 Asteri
Oh dear, you're truly one woman to admire. I had no idea you've gone through so much during this process. That is what I call an agony. As you, I prefer this agony than to stay obese. I am sure that you'll be able to manage this and remain healthy.{{{Hugs}}}
2005-09-18 09:39:22 constipated
wow; Kasey your photos look amazing. oh God; i have no idea how you did that. it is easy to tell yourself that you are going to do something about your weight; but you never really know were to start or never have the courage to do it. i lost weight once; last year; when i was 17; but i did it the unhealthy way. i used to binge;purge and then exercise like hecticly and now that is not working for me anymore. i am really glad that you have lost so much weight; your story is really an inspiration to me and i am sure it is an inspiration to many other people out there. thanx for giving me hope.lots of love~katelyn~
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2004-11-23 12:12:12 Update; The Job
So I guess I should get MDD readers up to date on my life in the last two and a half years. After reading back on my older entries, I am struck by how miserable an existence I was leading. It certainly helps put my life now in perspective.Since May 2002, when I left the Nightmare on Calvert Street after working there for 17 years, I started work at an international newsgathering organization as the night editor.My former employer is my current employer’s largest client, and not a night goes by that I don’t talk with at least one of my former coworkers.It’s very different here. I went from a workplace of more than 300 to an office of 20. For the bulk of my shift, there is only one other person here. On holidays, I’m in the office alone.This has its disadvantages, because I love to have a big audience, and I work so much that I count on my job for most of my social interaction.But the advantages are myriad: I get to write often; I get to direct much of our coverage; I have varied tasks and begin every shift not knowing that I’ll be doing that night; I get to deal with clients, corporate and other offices within my organization across the country and around the world.I was terrified to leave my former job. I was certain no one would hire a middle-aged, supermorbidly obese woman, but I was wrong. I hope to keep at this for another 10 years and one month (not that I’m counting) until retirement.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2004-11-23 12:12:12 Inching back to a routine
I got to the gym Tuesday morning. I shouldn’t have gone, however, because the delivery service arrived at my house with my replacement laptop while I was out.I’m hoping a friend can retrieve the new laptop from the shipping depot and I’ll have the machine Wednesday.I’m still gathering, copying and faxing info to my insurance company. I found a recent a picture that shows me wearing one of the gold bracelets that was stolen. The photo is not clear enough for me to say which bracelet it was, but it at least indicates that I’m not making up the jewelry to get a larger settlement.This is along the lines of the old punchline “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”, I had an otherwise wonderful weekend. My brother and his wife were in the state visiting Mom, and we all got together Saturday at her house, and then Sunday at my house.My brother and I also bought my mother a 32-inch TV. Her vision is getting progressively worse, and she had trouble seeing the 19-inch model she had.And, my mom, who had been without pets since her cat died in June, got two sweet kitties from the Humane Society on Wednesday. In addition, today my niece called me from her home in California. She is semi-estranged from her dad, my brother, over her live-in boyfriend (she is 21; the boyfriend is 52, three years older than her father). But I am always delighted to talk with her, and let her know that I love her no matter what, and that if she’s happy, I’m happy.So despite the annoyance of dealing with the burglary, I’m getting lots of warm fuzzies from my family.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2004-11-23 12:12:12 Post Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, went well. Mom and I made our traditional visit to a wonderful restaurant in the Nation’s Capital for a fabulous buffet meal. Then I went to work.I was able to get to the gym for a full workout on Friday. Barring catastrophe (and last week demonstrated how easily life can turn catastrophic) I’ll be able to work out Saturday and Sunday as well. On Monday, I have door salesmen coming over to give estimates on replacing my back door, which has window panes that were broken, with a solid door. I’ll do yard work until the salemen arrive, so I’ll get some exercise. I keep discovering more things that the burglars took. Contrary to my initial assessment, a lot of my silver jewelry was taken with all my gold items. I also had a wireless keyboard and mouse still in the retail box that is gone.Getting documentation for the insurance company is proving difficult and time-consuming. I spent 30 minutes on the phone with Dell to wrest from them a receipt for my desktop that was stolen. I bought the laptop from a friend and paid cash, so I have no receipt for that. I bought my Colombian leather gym bag and IBM brand leather briefcase on eBay years ago, and have no receipts to identify them. I have PayPal receipts, but they only identify the person paid and the amount; they don’t say what the actual items were.In between exercise sessions this weekend. I’m going to plow through the pile of papers on my desk and in my “to file” box to see if I can come up with better receipts. I will also contact American Express and get three years of statements. I paid for most stuff with AmEx and hope there will be some evidence that the insurance company will accept.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2004-12-07 10:05:00 Manic
Ack! I’ve neglected this diary yet again. I’ve been busy (who hasn’t been, especially this time of the year) with work and dealing with my insurance company after the burglary last month.Work has been busy — news and sports don’t stop just because the holidays are coming, or because it’s cold and rainy and dreary. One of my coworkers went to California to tape episodes of “Jeopardy!” I’m not allowed to say how well he did on the game. I spent Saturday, like most Saturdays, taking my mother grocery shopping and on other errands, because her vision has gotten so bad after several eye surgeries that she can’t see well enough to drive.Her inability to drive has been obvious to me for months, but on Saturday she finally said she could no longer drive. She is going to keep her car, however, in hopes that having it will make it easier for other people to drive her around. She says some people at her retirement community are still able to drive but can’t afford cars.We’ll see how good an idea this is. I think the cost of keeping a car — insurance especially — is too much for someone on a fixed income if she’s only going to be driven around once or twice a week. But she says keeping the car makes her feel less isolated.I’ve been exercising like a maniac, and that’s no exaggeration. Two hours and 15 minutes on Sunday, two hours on Monday, one hour and 45 minutes today.I tried Pilates for the first time. It is fairly intense and makes use of muscles I don’t always engage. I hope to continue classes, because it’s no-impact and strengthening and can increase flexibility. It’s a good change from pounding cardio and heavy weightlifting. I’m exercising so much because I’m self-medicating. Previously I would overeat. Other people drink or to do drugs; I overtrain.I get sad this time of year. I hate late fall and all of winter. I hate the long nights, the cold, the possibility of dangerous weather. Plus I’m feeling stressed from dealing with the burglary. My appetite is fading and I’m having more trouble sleeping than usual. I don’t think I’m tired or sleep deprived, but my fear is that I’m in a manic phase and will crash soon.But man, will I be fit!Kasey (Jane Skye So)
2004-12-10 08:53:00 Could I be any busier?
Work continues to be hectic, but I’m doing my job well and getting attagirls for it. I’ve written a couple of stories and was on the radio feed this morning.I’ve applied to teach a journalism class at a local college. It pays next to nothing, but it would be a way to find out if I like teaching. I’ve always wanted to teach, and have consider it an option for when I retire.Finally got the glass replaced in the patio door. And after Dell said my new desktop would not be shipped until the end of this month, it has been shipped. I skipped gym today to wait at home for it, but UPS made a delivery attempt late this afternoon, after I had left for work.I was hopeful that I would have the computer for the weekend, because it will take hours to get it set up and functioning and get all the peripherals connected and the WiFi working and all the software downloaded and installed. Well, I’ll get the computer when I get it, and get it set up when ... well, you know.Like most people, it’s a struggle to stay on my diet this time of year. I’ve cut back on most days to make up for the inevitable overeating opportunities, but I overindulged on Thursday, succumbing to fried mozzeralla, chicken tenders and potato wontons from a local pub.I’ve been exercising regularly, except today (see above) and Thursday, when I had planned to walk to and from the office for lunch with a friend. But it rained, and I got a ride back.Before the rain started, I went into an Ashley Stewart dress shop, which sells sizes 14 to 26. A year ago, I was too fat to fit into anything in that store. But having lost 145 pounds, I tried on a size 1X coat, and it fit! If I get any free time next week (not bloody likely; I have to take all three cats to the vet on Tuesday, and I have a doc appointment on Thursday; I’ll still be waiting on delivery of my computer, and have to go to gym and work AND make my weekly visit to my mother’s house 45 miles away to take her grocery shopping) I’ll go back and buy the coat and a sweater to go with the size 16 skirt I fit into and bought last week at Fashion Bug Plus. I’m invited to two holiday parties, and I thought I’d dress like a girl for a change.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
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2004-12-10 22:01:22 Asteri
Hi! I hope you get the class in College! Isn't it nice to fit into "normal" clothes? :) E-mail me when you can. {{{Hugs}}}
2004-12-11 03:31:01 peacemaker
Hey how can you feel safer after your break in? I feel for you and your plight trying to put the pieces back together after the loss. You would do well and enjoy teaching. You have a lot to offer to young kids. By conincidence,I just looked up SheisSoSweet over at Xanga. She is a journalism major at Temple U. I had mentioned you to her years back when you both were here. Are there Doberman cats?
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2004-12-15 09:56:00 Will someone please return my calls?
Things continue to be busy. And I’m waiting for people to call me: the insurance company, the gym about my request to see a personal trainer, the yard cleanup people, the college journalism people.Wayne and I spent Sunday afternoon together. We went to Tony Roma’s for dinner, then hung out at his place. I got my handtruck back from him, which I had lent him when he moved to a new apartment in June.I needed the handtruck because my desktop computer replacement was shipped and arrived this week. I’m getting it set up in baby steps, because I simply don’t have several free hours to unpack, plug in, boot and reboot, download and install software and peripherals and see if the backup drive will transfer my otherwise stolen files. Much of my lack of free time is from so much time spent at the gym. I’ve decided to cut back my exercise from 90 minutes to 120 minutes each session (one day last week I did 135 minutes of cardio) to 60 minutes to 90 minutes. I hope to continue to exercise five or six days a week.Despite how time consuming it is, I enjoy exercising. I helped lead two step aerobics class this week when the regular instructor was on vacation and the replacement knew nothing about step. I wouldn’t mind working part time as an aerobics instructor and/or personal trainer. If I ever get any free time, I’ll see what’s involved in getting certified.My free time is further limited by having to drive 88 miles roundtrip to visit my mother every Saturday to take her grocery shopping and other errands. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to do it, and I’m pleased that my restored energy makes it possible for me to help her. But that eats up Saturday morning (cutting into my sleep time) and afternoon.I would love to take a week off from work and just sleep late and go to the movies.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2004-12-17 08:41:00 Medical Update
My doc has taken me off Metformin for diabetes. The weight loss and exercise have kept my blood sugar well-controlled. I still must check my levels regularly, and if the numbers go too high, I'm to resume taking the medication.But despite the massive weight loss and hours of exercise weekly, my blood pressure AND my cholesterol have continued to creep up. I'm already on Lipitor to lower my cholesterol, and my doc has added another med, whose name escapes me.And I'm to take an ACE inhibitor for the hypertension. I need to get blood tests in two weeks to make sure the new meds aren't hurting my kidneys or my recently-discovered-not-to-be-infected liver.And I need vigilant about side effects, mostly headaches or dizziness, which could mean that my blood pressure is dropping too low.My doc also said it's too soon to see a plastic surgeon; I need to wait until my weight stabilizes.And I got a flu shot.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2004-12-18 00:31:01 Asteri
Hello there, it's great your sugar levels are so low. I can relate with the cholesterol thing and my blood pressure, even it's not high, it's not low neither. I find it "close to high". Have a nice weekend. {{{Hugs}}}
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2004-12-21 07:03:00 Inching back to computing normalcy
After spending all of Sunday afternoon and evening unpacking and setting up, I am finally up and running on my replacement desktop computer. While I really like my new, tiny and very portable Thinkpad, there’s nothing like having enough power to launch the space shuttle on one’s desk.It hadn’t been running even five hours when the Blue Screen of Death appeared. Windows update is set at auto install, and an update installed and then tried to reboot while I was trying to restore from my backup drive. The restore — my effort to duplicate the files on the desktop computer that was stolen last month — isn’t going to well. I have Maxtor One-Touch drive, which I had set to do a full back up every single day. Despite its claim that it works just like a hard drive, the file names are gibberish. I’ve followed the restore directions three times; the first two times, an empty folder was copied.The third time, I was able to restore about half of my MP3 files. But my documents, photos and thousands of archived e-mails, so far, have eluded me. I’ll keep at it. My fav tidbit so far on the Dell Dimension 8400 — XM Satellite radio, for which I have subscriptions in my car, boom box and computer, is included and already set up in Windows Media Player. That means I can get rid of the external antenna and converter. I like anything that reduces the clutter on my desktop.Speaking of clutter, my new Dell came with a five-speaker and subwoofer system. I decided that I needed more space on my desk, so I bought an all-in-one printer/scanner, the Epson Stylus Photo RX500. This allowed me to remove the separate printer and scanner. Plus, the printer has built-in media card readers, so that’s another piece of hardware I removed from my desk.I’ll be setting up my wireless network once I’m done with the restore effort.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
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2004-12-25 05:40:49 peacemaker
Hey what steps have you taken to make sure that all of your work isn't in vain? Have you sent those cats to attack school? I would get a pet panther. Where theives are successful they may return! Have a great Christmas! Freedom's Wings(aka Nice Cat) stopped by too from yesteryear!
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2004-12-31 11:18:00 2005
It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m at work, natch, as I was Christmas night. I’m here by myself, so it’s a little lonely and creepy, but it’s better than being home alone.I’m still waiting to hear from the jeweler about when I can pick out stuff to replace the bracelets that were stolen. The yard will finally get cleaned up on Tuesday, but only after several nagging phone calls to the landscaper, whom I paid in full on Dec. 6. No word on when the new door, which I also ordered on Dec. 6, will arrive. The home improvement guy said two weeks, and it’s been more than three.I got a letter from the police claiming that they had called me several times and could not reach me. Bullshit. I have caller ID, and there are no calls from the PD.Anyway, the letter says I need to be interviewed further or look at photos. Who knows what that means. I called the number and the detective won’t be in until next week. I’m going to send a letter as well, because clearly the cops aren’t making much of an effort to reach me.Am I the only person who can’t get ANYONE to call her back or do the work they were paid for? What ever happened to customer service? Sheesh.I finally (after paying weeks in advance and several nags; is there a theme here?) had my first session with a personal trainer at the Y. She says every rep on the weight machines should be a “challenge” and that workouts need to be somewhat difficult. Not what someone like me, who already tends to overtrain, needs to be told.But she showed me proper use of some machines that I had just started using without instruction, and showed me how to vary the grip on other machines to use different muscles and make the lifts more challenging. And, of course, she wants me to lift heavier weights, and to lift three times a week instead of twice a week.That’s in addition to getting several hours of cardio every week. No wonder most people don’t exercise. Fortunately, I like exercising, especially aerobics with good music and choreography. I like weightlifting the least, though. Despite the lonely start to 2005, I’m eager to see what the new year holds. This is the least I’ve weighed in 25 years, and I’m still losing. I hope I can get my weight below 200 pounds this year, and wear size 16 jeans. I’m already planning my spring trip to New York and my fall trip to London and Barcelona.On Sunday, I’m going to a local theater to see a touring company production of “Jesus Christ Superstar” and the following weekend, I’ll go to New York to see a couple of shows.I plan to go to baseball games here and in D.C. in the spring and summer. And maybe I’ll get enough free time to go to the movies, a goal that has eluded me for weeks.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-01-03 14:41:42 Asteri
Happy New Year dear! I am so sorry you're having so much trouble in getting your stuff back after this situation. It's definitely not fair but I am sure you'll solve it eventually. Your plans for this year sound terrific. I hope you achieve them all and most importantly, enjoy them. :) Blessings...
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2005-01-14 12:18:00 A walking trip
Oh, dear. Once again, it’s been a while. I continue to be mind-numbingly busy. I pondered giving up on the idea of sleep, as I’m not getting much anyway. I might as well abandon this fantasy that I can get enough rest and just accept the fact that I have to get up at 8:30 a.m. every day, even though I have to work until 1 a.m.On Thursday, I went to the jewelry to pick out pieces similar to the ones stolen when my house was burglarized in November. I got teary-eyed as I looked at the pieces and remembered what my father had given me.It’s so sad that these treasures from my father are probably adorning some pimp’s wrist now.Anyway, I found pieces to match most of what was stolen. The jeweler had very few silver bracelets, so I’ll probably have to get cash for that and buy them online.On Wednesday, the solid-core door was installed. And last week, the landscape company trimmed the bushes. They did a terrible job and will probably have to come back.I went to New York for a weekend of Broadway theater. I saw “Avenue Q,” which was fun; “Gem of the Ocean” which was good drama and fab acting but a long and tedious story; and “Pacific Overtures,” which was spectacular.And I had a wonderful meal at Mama Mexico. I ate way too much the whole weekend, from bacon and Danish at the breakfast buffet to pastries at Starbucks.Of course, even on my weekend away, I managed to exercise too much. I walked in the pouring rain and 40-degree temps from the train station at 34th and Seventh to my hotel at 52nd and Third. For Saturday’s matinee, I walked from the hotel to the theater on 45th and Broadway (at least it had stopped raining). For dinner, I walked from the theater to the restaurant at Third and 48th, back to the hotel briefly, then to the evening performance at Broadway and 48th, then back to the hotel.On Sunday, I walked from my hotel to the theater at 54th and Broadway, then back to the train station. I did not catch a a single cab. I figured I walked about five miles altogether.Kasey (aka Jane Skye So)
---Notes---
2005-01-19 07:30:48 peacemaker
I have always found people in NY so much more friendly than they are reputed to be. I used to take my boys, when they were younger. My oldest son (16 then) was interested in seeing virgin records, so much for landmarks. My 16 year old guy and I went to the Letterman show taping. I remember taking my 10 year old to see the UN and he was frightened of the demonstrators who were picking and yelling shame on China re:Tibet. He just couldn't get comfortable with a yelling crowd being across the street. I used to take him out of school with a buddy and we would go to see the Bronx zoo, and the Museum of Natural History.
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2005-01-19 08:59:00 Can't slow down
Charm City got a two-inch snowfalll today. Nothing much, people still panicked and the roads were a little dicey. But I shoveled snow, to clear my driveway and walk, for the first time in years. This was after braving the roads to go to the gym. I am still tickled that I can do physical things. I had a nice, but extremely busy, weekend. I had my first appointment with my new psychotherapist on Saturday. Then I drove 45 miles to see Mom, as I do on most Saturdays, to take her grocery shopping and do chores for her. On Saturday night, I played poker with coworkers until 3 a.m.On Sunday, Wayne, another former coworker from the Nightmare on Calvert Street, and I went to a museum and then dinner downtown. Then I drove Wayne to my place (his car is on the fritz) where he installed a smoke detector. Then I drove him to his place, where I got his DVD/VHS recorder working.Wayne is having a blast at his job, which he started in October. He’s the senior editor of two arts magazines, and he works day hours and has his own office. He gets to take trips (he’s going to Philadelphia next month for a huge convention) and sometimes he and his coworkers blow off the afternoon and go to the movies or a gallery.I’m delighted to see him having so much fun. The Nightmare on Calvert Street ground him down, and it’s good to see him happy and productive.Wayne expressed concern about my being so busy with work and working out and taking care of Mom and possibly teaching a college course and that I can’t sleep much and the negative thoughts are back. I’ve always been a workaholic, and I always overdo. I exercise so much instead of eating so much; both are forms of self-medication. I’m still struggling with finding a balance, but these days I can’t sleep and I’m bothered a lot by the negative thoughts. It’s as if there were a half dozen radios in my head, and each is playing a different station. The din is unsettling.Let’s hope the new therapist will help me get a grip on things.The college class is still up in the air. Registration runs through Tuesday; after that, the department chair said, they’ll decide if enough students have signed up. I won't know until Jan. 26, and the first class is Jan. 27.Work continues to be demanding. I have to train staff on new software, and I worked until 3 a.m. today on a late-breaking story. I can take the week of Feb. 21 off. I want to just chill for a week — sleep late and go to movies. But I hate wasting five of my very limited vacation days and not go somewhere exciting.Sigh.Kasey (aka Jane Skye So)
2005-01-31 08:08:00 Back to School
I started teaching at a local university last week. My class is on features writing; it meets thrice weekly. I have about 15 students (people are still signing up and I expect a few will drop the course).I’m pretty much flying by the seat of my pants. The university didn’t even confirm I was teaching the class until the first day of the spring semester, which I missed. The bookstore doesn’t have the two books required for the course, and the computer in the classroom seems to be dead. I have no idea how to rectify these things, nor do I know how to record grades.And I won’t get paid until my transcipt from 23 years ago arrives from my alma mater.So far, though, I’m having a blast! I like lecturing, which I make as much of a give-and-take as possible. I’m enjoying coming up with ideas, and I love the enthusiasm of the students who are interested. I have their first papers; I’ll look at them briefly before bed tonight, and grade them tomorrow.Yet another new adventure!Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-01-31 20:43:19 Asteri
Cool :) Blessings...
2005-02-01 12:17:01 Fyresetter
Good to see you again, wish I could audit your class!
2005-02-02 05:31:55 peacemaker
KC you will be awesome! I like Fyre would like to be in your class. I just don't leike having to watch spenlling comas & typos and stuff like that.
---End notes---
2005-02-09 04:45:00 Publish or perish
Here are links to an essay I wrote for my former employer. It was published on Sunday. The first link is to a text-only verison of the essay; the second link has the picture of me that went with the story.http://www.baltimoresun.com/features/custom/unisun/bal-un.jones0206,1,6053777.story?coll=bal-unisun-headlineshttp://www.print2webcorp.com/news/baltimore/Unison/20050204/p23.aspKasey (aka Jane Skye So)
2005-02-10 08:49:00 Baby, you can drive my car
I’ve shrunk, and now my car has shrunk.In April 2002, my minivan was wrecked after an encounter with an open manhole in the decaying mid-Atlantic metropolis I call home. I had to rent a car until I could buy another. At the car rental company, I booked and paid for a compact car. When I went to the car, I could barely get fit into it, and could not fasten the seat belt around me. I weighed 365 pounds then.The car rental company did not have a seat belt extender, so I had to rent a minivan, because it was the only vehicle in which I could fit comfortably and fasten my seat belt. The next week, I bought another minivan, the largest available on the market. It is a reliable, comfortable, safe vehicle, but its size makes it difficult to park and maneuver in tight garages, and it guzzles gas.Today, I traded in the minivan for a perky, fun-to-drive mini SUV. Now that I weigh 150 pounds less, I fit in the SUV nicely.Kasey (aka Jane Skye So)
---Notes---
2005-02-11 11:56:19 Fyresetter
Congratulations on downsizing!!! You should be proud of yourself. By the way, I tried both of those sites you mentioned about your article and the Baltimore Sun wouldn't let me read it without subscribing, sorry. Would have liked to see your pic and read your article. Fyre :)
---End notes---
2005-02-28 05:24:00 Update, 10 days late
(I tried to post this on Feb. 18, but the MDD server was down.)Been doing the work-workout-teaching thang, as busy as ever. After tonight, I’m on vacation from my full-time job for nine days. I still have to teach my college class three mornings, but not having to work my "real job" will ease my considerable stress and maybe help me sleep.And I had my two other vacation weeks approved. I’m going to New York in June; I’m not sure where I’m going to go in October — right now I’m considering Las Vegas or London.Last weekend, Wayne and I had lunch with six of our former coworkers from the Nightmare on Calvert Street. It was a fun and raucous gathering. I don’t miss my former workplace, but I sure miss the people.I’ve been enjoying my new (used) mini SUV. I got satellite radio installed and none too soon. Listening to terrestrial radio for five days made me want to plunge an ice pick into my eardrums.I’ve resumed psychotherapy, but I’m not sure it’s going to work well. The therapist, despite having a Ph.d, seems to be not too smart — a problem for me with high intelligence. I left my former therapist for several reasons, but at least he was nearly as smart as me.Several people at the Y saw my essay in the paper and talked with me. I’m such an inspiration, apparently.Kasey (aka Jane Skye So)
2005-02-28 08:25:00 Vacation over already?
I’m back to work after nine days off, although I did teach my college class on three of those days. The weather here has been difficult, with snowstorms on Thursday and again today. Worrying about whehter classes would be cancelled or how icy the roads would be added more stress that I would have liked on my vacation.I did not get to any movies. I did spend time at a huge mall I’ve never been to, but I didn’t buy anything but food — the wrong foods. I’ve been craving carbs and eating too many scones. Plus I had several large meals during my time off, and they all included dessert.I also didn’t get to the gym as often as I hoped. Weather interfered.So I’m afraid to get on the scale. My last weigh-in had me at 213 — my lowest in 25 years. I hope to get down to 190 (without plastic surgery) by the end of this year.But I’ll be fine, even if I don’t lose another pound. I’m wearing size 18, and I have so much energy and can do so much, it’s hard sometimes to hunker down to lose still more weight.And I look so fabulous in my new (used) sporty SUV that I can hardly stand it.I got some things done on my vacation that I wanted. I did my taxes and will be getting a refund. I desposited some checks and set up recurring payments for most of my bills.I installed my Wifi router and now I can use my laptop anywhere in the house and surf. I bought a second laptop — the price at Best Buy was too good to pass up — and I bought a scanner to take to Mom’s house to get her lifetime of pictures digitized.Wayne spoke to my journalism class on Friday. He was visibly nervous, poor man, but did well. The students seemed to learn from him, judging from what they wrote in their assignments after. After Wayne addressed my class, we went to lunch (one of the large meals I mentioned above). Because it had snowed the day before and the city schools were closed, his office also closed, so he had a paid day off. Did he land a great job after leaving the Nightmare on Calvert Street, or what?Today Wiley, a coworker, addressed my class, and on Wednesday, Lorena, a former coworker, will talk. I’m glad to get people to do this because a) it’s good for students to hear from other professionals, and b) it saves me having to prepare a lecture.Back to work this week, and it’s going to be a difficult one. I have split days off, so I won’t even get the limited two days of rest that I already find inadequate. Plus, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, which is always unpleasant; it will be more so because the jaw stiffness/clicking/pain that I developed over the summer but went away has now returned.And the tendinitis has returned to my right shoulder.Damn. I need another vacation.Kasey (aka Jane Skye So)
---Notes---
2005-02-28 21:04:03 Hate Anger Rage
At least you had a vaction. I'm not working now, but staying sain at home with my family is a 24 hour job I despritely need out of and soon!
2005-02-28 21:04:03 Hate Anger Rage
At least you had a vaction. I'm not working now, but staying sain at home with my family is a 24 hour job I despritely need out of and soon!
2005-03-09 06:54:46 peacemaker
Nice that you have had so much sun in your life since leaving the Nightmare. Nice to see you settling into your newest role. I am sure the students will benefit from you and your friends giving them a taste of the real work world is like.
---End notes---
2005-03-10 10:02:00 Good news, a few times
I got good news from my car insurance company today. I’ve been moved to the medium-risk pool from the high-risk pool. This will save me $1,400 per year, assuming an open manhole doesn’t destroy my cool Rav4 like it did the Wonder Van, which is what sent me into the high-risk pool two years ago.In other financial news, I got a check for my state tax refund, despite my filing out all the paperwork to have it directly deposited to my brokerage account. I guess this e-filing thing isn’t perfect year.My transcript finally arrived from my alma mater and I can officially be hired as an adjunct professor, a week from spring break. I’ll get a computer network password, an e-mail address, a parking pass, and soon, a (tiny) paycheck.I had a wow moment with class this week. The students were really worked up about a newspaper article that discussed the problems at the university. One asked if they wrote a letter to the editor, would it be published? I said I wasn’t sure, but if they wanted to work on such a letter, I would help them.So Friday’s class will be going over the article looking for factual errors to put in the letter. It was good to see the students excited and coming up with an idea on their own.
---Notes---
2005-03-10 22:13:00 Hate Anger Rage
good
---End notes---
2005-03-18 09:38:00 Dribs and drabs
Spring break starts tomorrow, so I’ll have three days next week when I can sleep late. I’ve been dozing off late in my shift at work, so I guess I’m sleep deprived.Some of the students asked what courses I would be teaching in the fall semester. It seems many of them actually like my class. Who knew I’d be good at this?But I don’t even know if the university will have me back. I learned I was teaching this class the day the semester started, so advance notice is not this institution’s strong suit.I saw my doc this week. Blood pressure and cholesterol are down in response to new meds. My weight has settled around 215 pounds, for a loss of 150 pounds in less than 18 months. I’m wearing size 18W, which still amazes me. My doctor gave me a referral to the plastic surgeon, so maybe I can get some of this redundant skin loped off during the summer so I no longer look like a shar-pei.Because it seems my weight has stabilized, I’ve been willing to spend money on new clothes, rather than get someone else’s castoffs from eBay as I did when I was losing. I bought a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and three blouses at The Avenue this week, plus two dresses. one to wear to a wedding this month.I need to get a business-like outfit for next month’s conference.My mom had further surgery on her eye this week. My brother came from California to help take care of her. I’ll be visiting her this weekend.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2005-03-25 10:53:00 Spring break over already?
I had fun at Ben and Tiffany’s wedding last week. They seem so much in love. Well, spring break is over and I’m still exhausted. I enjoyed not having to get up and dressed at 8:30 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. But it’s back on the overwork treadmill.I have the midterm papers to grade — the students’ big writing project. It will take me several hours to edit these papers. I hope do do a few Saturday night and the rest Sunday afternoon. The gym is closed for Easter, so I hope the weather will be nice enough for me to walk outside for an hour for exercise.I have been trolling the 'Net for resources for my journalism class. I was hoping that as an instructor and being at an HBCU, there might be workshops, seminars and other stuff available to help make me a better teacher. I found a few things on CJR’s Web site, and downloaded an application to be an exam monitor for the Dow Jones Newspaper Fund.Tomorrow, I’m up at 8 a.m., shower, dressed and out the door for a 9 a.m. appointment with my psychotherapist. Then I motor three counties away to visit my mother. My brother and sis-in-law are there for one last day.After than, I tool up the road to lunch at 1 p.m. with my friend I’ve known since high school. After lunch, we’re going shopping, although I fear the mall will be packed with last-minute Easter shoppers.Once I gave up the idea that it was possible for me to get enough sleep, I’ve been stressing less about my chronic sleep deprivation. It’s whack, I know, but I get upset over not having something I believe I can have. Once I accept, or surrender, that fantasy, I feel better.Speaking of something I can't have, I’m still waiting for eHarmony to give me even one lousy match. I’ve gotten some responses from another dating site, but I haven’t had time to look at the men’s profiles in depth yet. Perhaps Sunday night.(See what I mean? Instead of sleeping Sunday night, I’ve surrended the idea of sleep so I can try to find a man willing to go out with me. It’s the same with exercise _ I can either sleep, or exercise. I chose to exercise.)Kasey (aka Jane Skye So)
---Notes---
2005-04-14 23:45:25 peacemaker
hey Kasey, hang in there. neat that you have a lifelong friend. My life long friend died several years ago. I stopped fretting about the sleep deal and accepted my wacky sleep patterns a while back. I use the time up to do this and other things that I either have to do or find relaxing. Good luck connecting with someone. Those who are successful never give up.Take care.Joe
---End notes---
2005-05-09 09:39:00 What a Relief
First, the good news; then the details of the stress I’ve been under for the past three weeks.The biopsy of the “suspicious area” detected on a mammogram showed no sign of cancer; only benign microcalcifications, most likely the result of aging.What a relief.The radiologist said I should have a followup mammogram in six months. Assuming that shows no changes, I can go back to annual, rather than semiannual, screenings.She called me on my cell phone about 5 p.m., five days after I had the biopsy, and three weeks after she first told me about the suspicious area.Now I can plan my New York trip without fear, and I now look forward to June’s consult with a plastic surgeon to see about a tummy tuck.I had the biopy on my right breast done at the Johns Hopkins Hospital. I know I am getting the best care available in the world there. I’m grateful, as always, that I have access to that top-ranked institution.A volunteer breast cancer survivor was there to stay with me during the procedure. I was glad she was there; she talked and helped me keep my mind off what was happening.First, several mammograms were taken of the area to help the radiologist pinpoint the suspicious area. She said the microcalcifications are very faint and difficult to see.Then I went into the stereotactic biopsy room. It had a new-room smell and all the equipment looked brand-spanking new. I climbed up on a lightly padded and very uncomfortable table. In the center was a hole through which my right breast was dangled.I lay down, unable to get even semicomfortable. The radiologist and the nurse busied themselves beneath me, pinning my breast between compression plates.The only pain I felt was went the needle went into my breast (on the underneath part, about midway between my chest and nipple) to inject lidocaine and then when the lidocaine was actually injected. Otherwise, it was just a lot of discomfort, mostly from having to lie in an awkward position for nearly an hour.As a result of the tremendous amount of exercise I do and resulting muscle and mind-body control, I was able to lie still and breathe through the discomfort.The samples were retrieved, checked to make sure they held some calcifications, and after about an hour, of lying awkwardly with my right breast dangling through a hole, clamped tightly and pricked with needles, I was allowed to sit up. I believe a tiny clip was left in the area, to serve as a marker for further biopsies and/or surgery.Then, more mammograms were taken, and I was allowed to leave. The whole series of procedures, from the time I went into the dressing room, until the time I left the dressing room, took about two and half hours.I had enough discomfort hours later to take some Tylenol. The pain discomfort was all gone 72 hours later. I went back to the gym then and felt no discomfort.I'm just glad it's over and ended well.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2005-05-09 09:57:00 Broadway bound
My Broadway trip next month is all set and I’m totally looking forward to it. I have tickets for “Julius Caesar,” “Spamalot,” “Doubt,” “Brooklyn,” “Spelling Bee,” “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” and “Rent.” I’ll be staying at a Marriott in midtown, to take advantage of my frequent guest membership and free wireless Internet access.In addition to theater, I’ll be going to the Museum of Modern Art and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I also might try to hit one of the comedy clubs. No worries about not going to the gym, because I'll be walking all over Manhattan, about five miles a day.I hope to dine, among other places, at a Scandanavia restaurant in Midtown, and Mama Mexico, where I ate during my visit in January, and the Brazilian restaurant across the street, whose name escapes me.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2005-05-10 09:13:00 Belated update
I didn't realize it's been weeks since I updated. Here are dribs and drabs of what's been going on.I will teach my last college class this semester on Wednesday. I still have a pile o' papers to grade (the final paper is not due until Monday) and I must submit grades by May 23, but no more getting up at 8:30 a.m. to trudge across town to class.Several students simply stopped coming to class after midterms. I shall probably have to fail at least two, and possibly more. I feel this is where I've failed as a teacher, not inspring students to come to class regularly and hand in their assignments more or less on time.************Physical therapy for my shoulder (rotator cuff tendinitis) is going well. I had one session of ultrasound; it hurt like a sonofabitch and so it's back to the pain patch for me.The therapists (I seldom see the same one twice) give me a variety of exercises and have educated me on what kinds of strength training I can and cannot do when I'm fully healed. They're focusing on strengthening my upper back muscles so my injured rotator cuff doesn't have to do as much work. I'm not allowed to lift more than two pounds now, but with Beelzebub as my witness, I WILL lift five pounds again.In addition to twice-weekly physical therapy, I continue to exercise at the gym most days of the week. I do step aerobics, elliptical glider, stationary bike and treadmill and upper body "bike" (http://www.scifit.com/pro1.asp), which the therapists recommended. I also do about 300 crunches each workout. I'll probably start water aerobics later this month now that the weather has warmed up (I hate getting wet when it's cold) and I have more free time.I was so stressed over the last few weeks awaiting the results (thankfully, negative) of the biopsy that I overate a lot of bad stuff _ scones, puddings, chocolate. I've regained seven pounds of the 150 I lost since October 2003. I'm barely able to squeeze into my size 18 jeans. But I feel ready to get the eating under control and lose those seven pounds again.**********************I exchanged e-mails with a man I met through an online dating site (not eHarmony, which cost me $99 and has not given me even one match). We talked on the phone and agreed to meet in person. But I called twice and left messages to arrange the meeting, and got no answer and no call back.*****************My mother is doing better. Her eyesight has improved slightly and she can read a little more than a month ago. She�s also in a better mood, much less frightened, and talking about resuming physical therapy and exercise for her back. She�ll never see well enough to drive again, so I travel the 45 miles to her house every weekend and take her grocery shopping and do odd jobs around her house.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-05-15 04:14:19 peacemaker
Hang in there Kasey. You are a determined person, but listen to your PT people and don't over do. You will find someone there is a match for everyone who is determined enough to find one. I used to be more agitated by those who dropped out and in college especially I wished that i could have gotten ahold of them and do some outreach.(there was some parent's money involved) It was many years ago that I taught. I found out that there was a lot going on in their lives that was taking their time and attention from all of their studies at least in a few cases. I flunked them with a clear conscience.
---End notes---
2005-06-03 09:25:00 In the mood
I have learned to tell myself these days that my depressive thoughts or feelings are not real. While that knowledge does not make me feel better right away, it does seem to help keep my mood and thoughts from spiraling further into despair.I have noticed a profound mood drop, to the point when I struggle to keep from crying, most evenings at work between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. I don't think it's related to blood sugar, because I usually eat dinner around 8 p.m., and I usually have a salad 4 p.m. and 6 p.m.Strangely, I don't have this mood drop on my days off.Also (and this has been true for years) I often wake up profoundly depressed.Conversely, I feel euphoric after exercise, which is no surprise. So when I wake up depressed, I remind myself a) that it's not real and b) I'll feel better when I exercise.Maybe I should run up and down the stairs at the office when my mood drops at work. Although it usually takes at least 30 minutes of sweat-inducing exercise to lift my mood in the mornings, maybe a little activity will ward off these evening mood drops.It's still scary not to be able to trust my own mind. But I�m glad that I'm now starting to realize that my thoughts often have no basis in fact, and that I can perhaps resist the slide down the hole.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-06-04 06:26:26 Fyresetter
This is interesting. Maybe you also dont like working nights. Are you on a new shift or is this something you have been doing for a while. I only thought of it because you dont experience it on your days off, so your mood does not shift when in your home location.
---End notes---
2005-06-15 11:26:00 Great White Way
I'm back from my spring trip to Broadway. My capsule reviews of the shows I saw:"Spamalot": A really big show, very funny, relies heavily on Monty Python and Broadway inside humor."The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee": A small, charming, riotously funny show."Dirty Rotten Scoundrels": Another really big show, a lot of fun, but slow in places."Rent": After nine years on Broadway, this venerable musical's performance seems to last five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes."Brooklyn": Shrill and preachy."Doubt": Very intense, but a little weak for a Pulitzer Prize-winning play."Julius Caesar": Denzel Washington's performance as Brutus was blown away by Colm Feore's Cassius.My celebrity sightings were Lynn Redgrave and her dog in Bryant Park; Eric Idle in the Starbucks a half block from the "Spamalot" theater, and John Cleese in the audience of "Spamalot."Other activities included trips to the newly renovated Museum of Modern Art and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I can see seven shows in five days and remember details about all of them, but half an hour in a museum and I get so overloaded that I feel my head will explode.I walked everywhere in Midtown _ an average of four miles a day. It's great being mobile and fit, not burdened by supermorbid obesity. I also ate way too much _ great barbecue at Spanky's, and fabulous breakfast buffets at the Marriott Marquis. I also had my share of iced chai tea and pastries at various midtown Starbucks.I did not stay at the Marquis, which is right smack in the middle of the theater district, but at a Courtyard by Marriott, which is much less expensive. The hotel is at a great location (5th Avenue and 40th). It's very nice, but not fancy. It had just about everything I needed, including free wireless high-speed Internet access. I would have liked a proper lobby (it has two chairs stuck on front of the door) and a bar that's open later than 10 p.m.The trip was hideously expensive. My next visit to New York in the fall will be paid for with my credit card's bonus points.Kaseyaka Jane Skye SoP.S. In response to a comment posted on my previous entry, I have been working the night shift (ranging from 3 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. start to midnight to 1 a.m. finish) for more than 10 years. I prefer it because I can do things during the day (medical appointments, car in shop) that most people have to take time off from work to do.
2005-06-21 06:01:00 I'm so vain
I had a consult with a plastic surgeon at Johns Hopkins Hospital last week. He said I'm a good candidate for a tummy tuck, breast reconstruction and arm lift. Because of my age, my obesity (I've lost 150 pounds and I'm still obese. Grrr!) and diabetes, he would only do one procedure at a time.His office submitted for approval to my insurance company, but I'm not optimstic that I will get approval. So I'm considering paying for the procedure myself. According to various postings on this site and elsewhere, the procedure probably will cost between $10,00 and $15,000. It is Hopkins, after all, so it will be more expensive that at most places.Dr. Navin Singh said I have one of the worst cases of breast ptosis he has ever seen. The procedure he recommended for me involves relocating the nipples, which would result in lost of sensitivity.So I'm thinking I won’t have the breast surgery. Dr. Singh also expressed concern about possible scarring and keloid formation on my arms if I have the arm lift. I'm still willing to have that procedure, because the sagging skin and jiggle on my upper arms area very distressing to me.His office also scheduled the surgery for Aug. 31. If I decide to pay myself, I will plan for that date. Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-06-21 18:44:55 freakychick90
thats a lot of weight lost girl! 150 pounds, good for you! dont get yourself down because you might still be obiese after losing 150 pounds, think of how much more healthy you feel, and how much longer you'll live. and if you get the tummy tuck, the pounds should just melt off. good luck! bye!
2005-06-22 11:14:49 Fyresetter
I guess I have some concerns with this. It may be my personal hatred for hospitals and the medical profession in general. If you dont need the surgery, why bother? Also, I am kind of in the same situation as you, but I have only lost 70 pounds. I know what arm jiggle looks like. Has the doctor discussed with you whether it is better to wait until you have lost all your weight before you do this? Just asking. Best of luck whatever you decide. Fyre :)
2005-06-22 14:20:07 Asteri
Hi Kasey,I wonder, just like Fyre, if surgery is more appropriate or not after all the weight is lost. I eliminated the possibility of any breast lift surgery because I fear losing sensitivity in the nipples. I still try to mend the harm with daily exercises. After 100 pounds, my arms are finally getting better without surgery (the loose skin has been reduced from 3 inches to 1), so there are also other alternatives. After exercises do whatever they can, I'll try mesotherapy before surgery. Have you hade any research regarding this other option? I personally know people who have tried it and it works. Tummy tuck, that's another story because the abdominal area is where we store more fat and the excess skin is greater. Whatever your decision is, I wish you that everything goes well.Blessings,Asteri
---End notes---
2005-08-19 06:46:00 The active life
As usual, it’s been too long since I posted. This summer has been a whirlwind of work, exercise, helping take care of my mother, attending baseball games and street festivals, and arranging to undergo a tummy tuck.I’m living the active lifestyle I could only I fantasize about less than two years ago, when I weighed 365 pounds. Gone are the weekends I lost because I was so tired that I spent virtually all Saturday in bed. Gone are the weekends that required no more planning than that I get to the store and buy enough Dove ice cream bars, cookies and cake to last 60 hours. Gone are the weekends when I did not leave the house or even change out of my pajamas.The abdominoplasty, which I am paying for myself, will take place very soon. I’ve had the pre-op physical and blood work done. I need to get the antibacterial scrub (I ordered some online from a veterinary pharmaceutical house, but I’m not sure if that’s exactly what is needed). I must call the hospital to make sure all the test results were received. I’ve arranged transport to and from the hospital, and for friends to help while I recuperate.Many times, I feel I have given myself a good life. Then, my mood slips and the intrusive thoughts resume. Despite my vastly improved physical health, depression still batters me relentlessly. The black dog continues to nip at my heels even as I walk, glide, pedal, step and weightlift my way through life.My next update will come after I’m home from surgery. Send positive thoughts my way.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-08-19 18:56:18
Dear Jane:Congratulations on your upcomming new life! Its so good to know that people struggle throught the same trials that I do. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you can remain optimistic during your recovery period. Good luckCheersErin!
2005-08-23 02:33:27 peacemaker
You will do well! You are a courageous woman, and mighty persistent too. I know you will stay strong and battle the octopus of depression with success. You always had a much more descriptive name for that foe than I can remember. Good luck with the surgery.
2005-08-25 18:37:32 Jane Skye So
Ah, yes, Peace, I used to call my depression the Despair Squid, after a monster in the sci-fi comedy "Red Dwarf."
---End notes---
2005-08-25 06:38:00 More unpleasantness
I said I wouldn’t post again until after my plastic surgery. But stuff keeps happening.I knew that things would occur that would make my pre-surgery time even more stressful; that’s how my life always goes. But I never predict what exactly will happen to make me sad/inconvenienced/in pain.I’m sad because a former co-worker from the Nightmare on Calvert Street died. He was only 53; he died from a recurrence of lyphoma. I had seen him and his teen-ager daughter at the Whole Foods in the early spring; apparently that was shortly before he learned the cancer, which had been in remission for more than five years, had come back. I’ll be going to his funeral on Saturday. Wayne will be there to; Paul (the dead co-worker) helped Wayne get his current apartment. I'll also see many other former co-workers.I’m inconvenienced because my bathtub drain is clogged. The plumber is due Friday morning. I’m worried that he won’t be able to fix it quickly, and that the repair will cost a fortune. Until it is fixed, I have to shower at the gym.I’m in pain because, seemingly in a instant, I have developed a boil on my tailbone. It hurts to sit in many positions, and I cannot lie flat in my bed for even a minute. The only treatment for now is hot compresses.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-09-08 16:06:21 peacemaker
sorry to hear of the death of a friend. the age old question why do bad things happen to good people, is forever unanswered.
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2005-09-11 10:20:00 Recuperating nicely, thank you
I had abdominoplasty on Aug. 31. Surgeon removed 10.2 pounds of skin and fat. Although there is considerable swelling (my waist measurement is three inches bigger than just before surgery) and lots of stitches, already I'm delighted with the results! I can see my pubic area when I sit down and I don't have the bulges of skin hanging over my thighs and sides. Once the swelling subsides in three or four months, I'm sure I'll be even more pleased.I had my first post-op medical visit with surgeon's nurse on Wednesday, and had the drains removed. She also cleared me to drive, to walk up to two miles daily (no other exercise, though, for three more weeks), and to return to work in two weeks. I must wear a binder 24/7 (except when I shower) for six weeks.The surgery went well, although I had a reaction to the anesthesia after the procedure. I fainted twice, apparently because my blood pressure dropped suddenly. I spent one night in hospital.I have had virtually no pain. Keep in mind, because of the extreme amount of exercise I did pre-op (60 minutes to two hours most days, for the past 18 months), I have a very high tolerance for pain.*************While I'm recovering well, my bad luck continues to torment me in other ways. Early Tuesday, I rebooted, then got the BSD again, with these dreaded words: "Unmountable boot volume."I booted in safe mode. Same evil message. Ran Dell diagnostics. "Cannot access hard drive."I knew then that the hard drive was a goner.Call Dell. tech had me run diagnostics again, confirmed that drive was dead. the desktop is under warranty (it is the replacement I got after the burglary in November) and tech said new hard drive would be shipped within two business days, and local tech would come to my house and install it. As of Friday afternoon, no word from Dell as to when hard drive and tech would arrive.In the meantime, I'm connected via laptop.Norton Antivirus was doing its daily scan on my desktop computer when the Blue Screen of Death appeared. That has happened a few times before, so I was not alarmed.On Friday afternoon, while I was sitting waiting for a friend to visit, suddenly started a very loud, vibrating sound from the fireplace. Figuring it was the heating and/or AC unit, I went to the basement and indeed, the sound was coming from the the area of HVAC unit. I turned off the AC and the house fan, and the noise continued. I used the fused box to cut off electricity to the HVAC. The noise rattled on.Panicked, fearing something in the house was about to explode, I called the local company that installed the AC in July. They are only a mile away, and the office manager, who is not an electrician, agreed to come right over. By this time, my friend had arrived, and she helped me round up the cats into the bedroom.The manager named Buck arrived, and found that the racket was being caused not by the HVAC, but a vibrating water pipe, which is why it continued even after I had shut the electricity off. He used the water cutoff, which reduced, but did not eliminate, the vibrating.Buck called his office, and within 10 minutes, two plumbers, Jeff and Chris, had arrived. The plumbers found and replaced an eroded release valve. Total cost: $125 for the time and work of three men who came over immediately when called. Getting my bathrub drain unclogged last month (I foolishly used Roto Rooter instead of local guys) with one guy who came 24 hours afer I called cost twice that.I thanked them profusely, and a box of chocolates is winging its way to Buck, Jeff and Chris.Kasey aka Jane Skye So
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2005-09-11 10:30:42 vaniea
good luck healing from the surgery! once you are all healed you will feel like a new person! your luck will change im sure of it you are a good person and good people allwase get better luck when their time comes. i figure it that its god testing us in life and if we stick thru we will have great rewards! have a great recovery and smile you look good with one on your face! ;)
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2005-09-18 04:57:00 Letters, we get letters!
I've been going back over my diary, reading comments I did not know had been left. I'll respond to a few:This is from Fyresetter: "I guess I have some concerns with this. It may be my personal hatred for hospitals and the medical profession in general. If you dont need the surgery, why bother? Also, I am kind of in the same situation as you, but I have only lost 70 pounds. I know what arm jiggle looks like. Has the doctor discussed with you whether it is better to wait until you have lost all your weight before you do this? "I'll discuss point by point: "If you dont need the surgery, why bother?" That, of course, is the classic argument made against cosmetic surgery -- why cut into healthy tissue and take the risks attendant with surgery for vanity's sake? Everyone has to decide how much one wants to put up with. In my case, the skin hung over and completely covered my pubic area. I developed persistent rashes and infections in the folds, despite fanatical cleaniness, powders and ointments. My thighs bumped the hanging flesh when I was biking and during step aerobics, resulting in pain, bruising and more rashes.And yes, it looked bloody awful.>>Has the doctor discussed with you whether it is better to wait until you have lost all your weight before you do this? <<>>I wonder, just like Fyre, if surgery is more appropriate or not after all the weight is lost. <<All the weight I'm likely to lose, give or take 10 pounds, has been lost. My weight has been stable since February. The surgeon required that patients' weight be stable for six months before he will perform reconstructive surgery.>>I know what arm jiggle looks like.<< What I have is more of arm flapping than jiggle. Again, each woman must decide how much these things annoy her and what she wants to do about it.>>After 100 pounds, my arms are finally getting better without surgery (the loose skin has been reduced from 3 inches to 1), so there are also other alternatives.<< I'm glad exercise worked for Asteri. I have exercised from 60 minutes to 120 minutes most days, since April 2004. I do aerobics, cardio machines, walking, weight lifting, swimming and Pilates. If a lot of exercise was all it took to eliminate redundant skin after massive weight loss, I'd be taut enough to bounce a quarter off my stomach.>>After exercises do whatever they can, I'll try mesotherapy before surgery.<< From what I've read about mesotherapy, it is touted as a "fat melting" procedure. What I have is excess skin. If anyone has links to peer-reviewed double-blind clinical trials demonstrating the efficacy of mesotherapy, please e-mail them to me. I'd love to read all about it.I am always delighted to exchange ideas with others. I'm eager to address any questions. Kaseyaka Jane Skye SoAnd this from Asteri: "I wonder, just like Fyre, if surgery is more appropriate or not after all the weight is lost. I eliminated the possibility of any breast lift surgery because I fear losing sensitivity in the nipples. I still try to mend the harm with daily exercises. After 100 pounds, my arms are finally getting better without surgery (the loose skin has been reduced from 3 inches to 1), so there are also other alternatives. After exercises do whatever they can, I'll try mesotherapy before surgery. Have you hade any research regarding this other option? I personally know people who have tried it and it works. Tummy tuck, that's another story because the abdominal area is where we store more fat and the excess skin is greater. Whatever your decision is, I wish you that everything goes well."
2005-09-18 09:10:00 Body healing, mind slipping
I'm due to go back to work on Wednesday. Frankly, I can't wait. Sitting around alone for days on end just exacerbates my tendency to live inside my head. And it's not a pleasant place in there.This recovery has reminded me some unpleasant things about myself. I gave in to exhortations that I need to ask for help instead of stoically sucking it up, and I depended heavily on Wayne -- too heavily, it appears. I've foolishly viewed him (and frankly, this is how he views himself) as an indefatigable superman.In fact, he's an out-of-shape middled-aged guy.Wayne's been absolutely exhausted for the entire month, even though he's not been visiting me since Sept. 7. He calls and/or e-mails every other day. He's also had a lot of demands at work, and his parents blew through town last week and will blow back through town this week.I've called him, anxious and clingy and weepy, a few times. I really hate it when I get like that, but it's how I am when I spend most of my time alone, unable to distract myself with excessive exercise. Inside my head is a charred hellscape ruled by the despair squid, and I often have trouble knowing what's real and what's just in my mind.I also learned a few unpleasant things about Wayne. He can be very controlling and dictatorial. I also asked for help during my recuperation from many other people, only a few of whom actually provided assistance. I was hurt and confused by this lack of support; it's simply the way I view things. Everything ultimately comes down to rejection and disappointment.In 1994, I had a hysterectomy. I was in hospital for three days, then home, not working, for six weeks. I did not have anyone accompany me to the hospital; I asked that people not visit me in the hospital (fear of germs, mostly, but also because I didn't want to be hurt if no one showed up) and I hired a nursing assistant to drive me home and visit me daily for about a week. During this time, there were several back-to-back ice storms, so people were unable to visit me. I managed fine on my own. I wasn't hurt or disappointed by people not coming to visit because a) the weather and b) I didn't ask anybody for help.I was weepy and anxious and frightened, like always, but I was able to keep it to myself because no one was around. I wasn't demanding of kind-hearted people.I wish I had done the same this time; I certainly will the next time I'm laid up. As lonely as I get most of the time, I always do better by myself.I've been going over my finances. I took quite a few hits with the house recently, with having to replace the central air-conditioning, and getting pipes fixed twice. And I still don't know what the final bill will be for the abdominoplasty. I paid $10,000 based on an estimate, but that could rise.I've dipped again into my home equity line. I still have a fair amount of equity in my house; I have a reasonable amount in my IRA and Roth, and I contribute seven percent to my 401(k), with my employer matching three percent. But I'm worried sick -- I know I spend too much, and every move I make to cut down on spending seems to fall by the wayside in a few weeks.But, I remind myself, that's exactly what happened with every diet I'd been on until the one I started nearly two years ago. I've proved I can cut back severely on food; now I need to apply the same discipline to money.So I'm trying, again, to cut back on expenses. I will eliminate the movie channels on my satellite TV -- that will save $40 a month, and I seldom watch movies anyway. My most difficult effort will be eliminating Starbucks. That will save me about $100 a month, and several thousand calories. But I just love the iced venti mocha latte and pumpkin scones. My goal is to stay away from Starbucks until November, when the eggnog latte, my all-time fav, arrives.Mostly, though, I need to stop buying clothes and electronic trinkets and CDs and DVDs.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
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2005-09-18 10:07:27 peacemaker
First congratulations on your good judgement with regard to retirement planning. It will pay off big time when it has to, and it must give you some sense of security as well.
Wayne seems to me to fit the category of life long friend. I wouldn't feel bad about leaning on him. This is a mutual relationship with you giving to him on some level too, or it wouldn't have continued this long.
I didn't know because I haven't visit here for some time that you were actually having the planned surgery.
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2005-09-20 06:39:00 Speed rejection
I gathered up my courage and attended a speed dating event. Do a Google search if you are not familiar with this phenomenon.Let's put the bad news right at the top: No one selected me for a second date, even though I listed three of the six men I "speed dated" as men I was interested in having a second date. Here is the boilerplate from the e-mail from the speed dating Web site:"Nearly everyone at the event was selected by someone, but a match can occur only if you chose the people who chose you. At this time it appears that we do not have any matches to report to you."Nearly everyone but me was selected?! The Web site also claims that 90 percent of people who attend their functions get second dates. I'm the one out of 10. I'm the freak no one wanted. I'm the fat, old, ugly woman that none of the men was interested in. I hope I can put this massive rejection behind me to write a detailed entry about the event. It was fascinating and fun, I learned a lot, and I left feeling uncharacteristically positive about myself and hopeful that I had been smart and funny and charming enough that at least one guy would want to see me again. But learning that no one wanted to see me again sure sucked the wind out of my sails.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-09-24 00:40:32 peacemaker
so sorry you felt passed over. remember persistence pays! Keep shopping.
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2005-10-08 08:01:00 Speeding Dating Part I
Speed dating background: Speed dating are events organized at a bar or restaurant. People pay for an event at which (it is hoped) an equal number of men and women gather, and then are paired off at tables for three minutes to 10 minutes. At the end of the designated time, the event host rings a bell, and everyone moves to another person at another table, chats for the time length and it continues. It is more choreographed than it sounds, and that's the point. Participants are forced to talk with whoever is randomly assigned to their table.The event is organized according to age groups; some events are more specialized, focusing on religious or professional interests. There are also gay and lesbian events. One signs up on a Web site, and 24 hours before the event begins, e-mails are sent inviting people. This is how they get a nearly equal number of men and women at the events.Every gets a name tag with their first name and a number. Cards are also given out, so one can make notes about the each person. At the end of the event, each person writes on the card what they hope for next from each person they "dated": Friend, or second date, or neither. A "match" is made if both people select the same thing (friend or date).How it is handled afterward varies. Some events have people hand in their cards at the end of the event, and you are told right then if the people you selected as friend or date also selected you for the same thing. Others have you go home and input your selections on a Web site, and then if someone else at the event picks you in the same category, you have a match and e-mail addresses are exchanged.Let me make one thing clear from the beginning: Most of the Web sites of these events proclaim very loudly and repeatedly that speed dating is "rejection free." There are no face-to-face rejections, which is something everybody hates, and is the biggest disadvantage of trying to chat someone up at a bar or party or nightclub.But one is still rejected if you select people you want to date and they don't select you. It still hurts to know that you liked and were interested in somebody and got your hopes up, based on your "speed date," that perhaps there were a connection and maybe they liked you to.It's still incredibly painful to find out the other person didn't care for you.I this began quest for male companionship last year with some online dating sites. My rejection rate was staggering. On one site, my profile had more than 800 hits, but not one man followed up by contacting me. I believe that my words drew men in, but once they saw my picture, they ran screaming away.Another site, which advertises heavily on TV, claim it will help one find "the love of your life" because they match on so many levels of interests and requirements. They promise at least one match a month, and claim to have 1 million members.I paid $100 for a three-month membership. No matches. They offered me a second three-month membership for free. Still no matches. In my third free three-month membership, I got two matches. Both men "closed" the match (i.e. rejected me) without even exchanging a single e-mail with me. This is a site that on almost every screen says: "Keep and open mind! Make a real effort to communicate with each match you get! Give everyone who matches you a chance!" I figure the men took one look at my picture and ran screaming the other way.Of course, I am getting no attention in real life. I spend as much as two hours a day at the gym, where there are plenty of men. Not one man has approached me. No one chats me up at the grocery, at Starbucks, at the ball game, at the street festivals I frequent. It's as if I'm invisible.When I weighed 365 pounds, men looked at me with disgust and revulsion. Now that I weigh 150 pounds less, men don't look at me at all.OK, I can can accept that. No man is going to look at me and feel and instant attraction. I'm fat, ugly and middle-aged. The only way I can get a man interested is if he is able to see my inner beauty -- my sense of humor, my friendliness, my intelligence, my quick wit, my kindness, my warmth and my sexiness.Speed dating seemed like one way to do that.Read Part II for my speed dating experience.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2005-10-08 20:04:10 Lenne
I've heard about this before.
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2005-10-08 08:03:00 Speeding Dating Part II
How to get a year's worth of rejections in just two hours.Spoiler: As I said two entries ago, I did not get any matches from my speed dating adventure. The following is a narrative about my experience. It's long, but I hope some (and I, in a few years) will find it informative and funny.Disclaimer: I make no judgments about people based on things they can't control, including, but not limited to, physical ability, race, sex, age, ethnic origin, or how little hair one has on one's head. I don't think attractive people are superior and ugly people are inferior, nor to I prefer the company of any one group over any other.But I am an observer providing information, and I believe, for this tale, the information needs to include details about ability, race, sex, age, ethnic origin, or how little hair has on one's head. I will also include some observations describing physical appearance. Readers must keep in mind that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If I describe someone as pretty or handsome, that is my assessment. Regardless, my stating that some is pretty or ugly is simply an observation, not a value judgment.Here is an example of how I would describe myself if I were a stranger seeing me for the first time (OK, it's awkwardly worded; work with me here, people):At first glance, a rather striking-looking woman because she is tall and has thick, dark brown dreadlocks cascading well past her shoulders. Close up, though, she looks her age, her face is tired-looking, with a double chin and bags under her eyes, and she's fat. She has a nice smile, though, with great teeth.Ready?I put on my prettiest dress, rather than my uniform of jeans and tailored shirt, spray on Opium perfume, which makes me feel sexy, and I drive to a nearby suburb of the decaying mid-Atlantic metropolis I call home for a speed dating event. This event was for people ages 40-55; we each paid $35.(Fun facts: I am a 53-year-old black woman. The population of above-mentioned metropolis I live in is 66 percent black; the entire metro area, though, is 25 percent black.)I arrive at the designated restaurant, at which I had dined a few times before. After waiting more than half an hour at the bar, we were summoned and given name tags and a dating card, telling us which table to start at, and then which table to go to after each eight-minute "date." We also got cards on which we were to mark each "date's" name and what we wanted for afterward -- friend or second date or neither.I observed the others as they took their seats. There were about 20.There was one other black woman; no black men. The women were mostly ordinary-looking. The other black woman was taller than me and very thin. One woman had long red hair and looked fairly attractive. I was not the fattest woman there, which was something of a relief to me. Most of the women wore dresses or skirts.The men were all ordinary- or dumpy-looking. Only two were taller than me. Only one wore a tie. One was dressed in "Miami Vice" fashion, which made him look 20 years out of date. Some were slightly overweight, and most were in varying stages of hair loss.In other words, this was a typical crowd of middle-aged people from an urban area (except for the lack of racial diversity). I started to relax a little, because clearly, I was on the same level of physical attractiveness as the others.As I'm looking around, I saw one man -- OMG! He works in my office. And I work in a very small office -- only 20 people. How awkward is that?! So I walk over to me, greet him, and we get the awkwardness sort of out of the way. We were not put on a "date" during the evening, and chatted briefly during the break.The host sounded the bell, and speeding dating began.Bachelor #1: He was the one who wore the tie. He brought a plate of food to the table (chicken wings and cheese cubes were provided) and was eating as he talked to me. (Tip #1: Don't eat during speed dates. Eat before or after, but not during.)I had to pry info out of him, but he had done some interesting things, was widely traveled and had snorkeled in the Red Sea, something I long to do. I asked him one of the questions suggested by another speed dating site: "If you could talk to anyone in history, who would it be?" He said Alexander the Great. He finally asked me a question, the same one about anybody in history. (Tip #2: Pretend to be interested and ask questions during speed date. Don't make the other person do all the work.)Assessment: He could have been interesting, but didn't seem to be trying very hard. Maybe he just didn't like me. I marked him neither (not friend, not second date).Bachelor #2: This was the guy who apparently raided Don Johnson's "Miam Vice" wardrobe, down to the large gold medallion dangling round his neck. His cologne was nauseating me. He had semi-bad teeth. (Tip #3: Guys, take care your teeth. Brush, floss, see the dentist at least twice a year, get orthodontics or other work done if necessary. The first thing some women notice about a man is his smile, and if your teeth are stained and/or missing, your smile is just creepy.)He said this was his third try at speed dating, and he knew a couple of the women there. He said he viewed it as networking more than looking for Ms. Right. He said he went out dancing several nights a week, could do all kinds -- ballroom, disco, country, salsa -- and was entirely self-taught.I wondered aloud how a straight guy who dances so well could be lacking in dates. He said something about how women were threatened by his ability. I didn't quite understand. He was lively and animated, though, and I would love to be able to go out dancing with a man who could teach me new steps.Assessment: I marked him as second date.Bachelor #3: He has red hair, a pot belly, bad teeth that make whistling noises when he speaks. But he's very attentive, asks good questions, and seems impressed that I know about the technology he sells. I can see having good conversations with him.Assessment: I marked him as a second date.Bachelor #4: Short, thin guy with no personality. He talked at length about how a cat he adopted from a local animal rescue group gave him ringworm. (Tip #4: Do not talk about parasites on speed dates.) He asked me very few questions.Assessment: I marked him neither (not friend, not second date).Bachelor #5: A small man with bleached blond hair and no personality. He had a horse farm but did not ride. Had little to say, asked very few questions.Assessment: I marked him neither (not friend, not second date).Bachelor #6: Short, thin mustached man with the worst teeth yet. He had two packs of cigarettes in his breast pocket. Owned a small mechanical contracting business and liked flyfishing. Although he talked too much about his ex-wife, he laughed at my jokes and seemed interested. I thought we hit it off. After the whole speed dating event was over, he came up to me and said he had enjoyed talking with me. Despite my hesitancy to date a smoker, I was intrigued and hopeful.Assessment: I marked him as a second date.What was supposed to be a seventh date degenerated into confusion as the hosts had numbers on cards wrong. One man sat at my table, and rather than talk to me while things got straigthened out, immediately jumped back up and went to the other side of the room. I guess he really found me repulsive.Because of the continuing confusion, the speed dating ended there. We are all supposed to have eight dates, the host said, and because of the mixups, we would all get coupons via e-mail for another free speed dating event. It's been nearly a month, and I have not received said coupon.I left feeling hopeful. I felt I had done well and made a connection with at least one man. But checking the site later, I saw no one picked me for a second date.Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2005-10-09 06:33:00 Back to overworking, overtraining
I went back to work full time exactly three weeks after undergoing abdominoplasty. The first few days were a little difficult -- my abs hurt while sitting upright for several hours, and I got tired fairly early in my shift. Now it's as if I was never out sick.
I've resumed my full cardio exercise regimen; I did two hours on four machines on Friday, and I took four step aerobics classes this week. I can also do some crunches, but I'm still weeks away from resuming Pilates and weightlifting.
I'll be seeing the plastic surgeon on Monday. I hope I'll be released from this binder I've had to wear cinching my waist.
My stomach looks awesome! The swelling has gone done, and it's nearly flat. It is a relief not to have sagging skin bumping my thighs in aerobics class or on the stationary bike. The size 18W jeans I was wearing before surgery at loose, although I can't fit into any size 16W just yet. A few people at the gym have remarked that I've lost more weight. One woman said my aura had changed.
This was a very positive decision for me. I had doubts about undergoing surgery mostly for vanity's sake, but the results are so outstanding that I'm already planning the next procedure -- arm lift and possibly breast reduction.
Kasey
aka Jane Skye So
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2005-11-02 17:05:42 SherylM
You may not remember me, but I used to read you about 4 years ago. I left MDD and went to xanga, but come back occasionally to see how people are doing. It sounds like you have really made some positive changes in your life! Good luck!
---End notes---
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