My brilliant career
It was 30 years ago today that I began my journalism career. My college had arranged a six-month, paid internship for me at United Press International in Washington, D.C., my hometown. I was grateful be back in D.C., back living with my parents. I had hated my freshman year at Northeastern University in Boston. I hated dorm life, I hated the winter, I hated the huge classes, I hated that I had to study hard, I hated being away from home and my boyfriend. I just hated everything. So I arrived, the day after my 19th birthday, at the National Press Building downtown, across from the Treasury Department, three blocks from the White House. I was the first black woman to work there. I was a dictationist. I took dictation from reporters in the White House, Congress and the Supreme Court. This was years before the Internet, PCs, laptops and wireless communication. I sat at an IBM Selectric and cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder as reporters dictated their stories. If the story was a bulletin, an editor would stand over me and rip the paper out of the typewriter, one paragraph at a time, in order to get it to the teletype operator. My father had taught me to type before I turned 10 because my handwriting was so bad. But I was not prepared to type nearly at the speed of speech. Helen Thomas, the recently retired dean of White House correspondents, made my internship a living hell because I could never type fast enough for her. But aside from grumpy reporters (a group I would have to learn to live with) I enjoyed my first job. I sure enjoyed my first paycheck -- $85 a week! I liked putting on nice clothes and taking the bus to work and back. I liked shopping downtown during lunch. I liked some of the people I worked with, although I was so much younger than everyone that I didn’t make any real friends. From there, after I got married and moved to Connecticut, I wandered into the newspaper office a month after I had been working with Blue Cross/Blue Shield. I was hired on the spot to write obits. I was the first black person to work in that newsroom. It was February 1971; I had not yet turned 20. I packed a lot of career in the next nine years at the Bridgeport Post and Telegram. I moved from writing obits to writing features to writing hard news. I returned to college, while continuing to work full-time as a reporter. I interviewed the great and the ordinary. I wrote front-page ledes (yes, that is the correct spelling) and back-of-the-section briefs. I dealt with racist, sexist, homophobic assholes inside and outside of the newsroom. After my triumphant graduation form college with a bachelor’s degree and my post-graduate study at the University of Arizona at Tucson, the world was my oyster. I got work on the copy desk of the Birmingham Post-Herald in Alabama. By now I had a national reputation and was frequently approached by other newspapers. I went to the Dallas Times Herald, and the here at the Sun. Since being at the Sun, I have turned down job offers at the Washington Post and the Miami Herald. Over the last 16 years, I have worked in every department in the Sun’s newsroom – features, sports, business, metro and telegraph. I’ve been a reporter, a copy editor, an assignment editor and a page designer. Now, I’m a journalist/geek, helping report the news by keeping the computers humming. I am a stereotypical journalist – nosy, demanding, arrogant, sarcastic and impatient. I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and I want it NOW! I will ask anybody anything – the worst they can say is “no comment” or slam the door in my face. No one ever set dogs on me – so far. The Fourth Estate is a noble profession. It has also embarrassed itself too often over the last 20 years. I wince at the cameras and microphones shoved in the faces of people who’ve just endured trauma or lost loved ones. I cringe at the celebrity gossip that passes as news these days. I shudder at the lack of respect for accuracy. But if I had to do it all over again, I’d still become a newspaperwoman. It sure beats working for a living.kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-14 03:22:50 peacemaker
I'll bet you did well because you loved it and poured yourself into it totally. A good match! Keep up the good work!
2001-06-14 06:34:21 Solo
Did I ever mention I began my studies in a journalism degree? I got right to the last semester and they made me do a two week placement with the local rag. After two weeks of my writing being rewritten into sensationalist crud and panic over them maybe putting my name to their trash I went right off the whole idea and transferred to psychology. My teacher hated this local rag and said it was the worst paper he'd ever seen in his long and experienced life so maybe it was just bad luck *G*
2001-06-14 12:14:59 Authentic Woman
a very interesting entry. I enjoyed going back into time with you and seeing life thru your eyes. AW
2001-06-15 16:08:55 Asteri
Your career life has been amazing!
---End notes---
2001-06-15 21:06:03 TGIF
Finished up a fairly stressful week, even though prick boy wasn't here. Had to pack and unpack the RISH so the carpet could be replaced. Prick boy keeps so much old technology and useless crap "just in case." That's why I had to get out of there. I also responded in writing to my performance review. I pointed out that prick boy assumes he knows what I'm thinking when he doesn't and that he acribes motives to my actions that are wrong because of that. I rewrote it several times, and had Wayne and John look at it to make sure I wasn't being abusive. Continued dealings with the evil Verizon. My modem line seems to be fixed, but I had to spend hours on phone getting DSL installation arranged again. After more customer service flubs, I now have an activation date of July 9. I will also get a free modem, no activation charge, no cancellation charge, 60 days free service and three free Webcams! I'll own that company if their customer disservice keeps up. I'll take picture of my comic books tomorrow. I see one person on eBay is selling a series that I have for $750. Yes, $750 for seven comics. I doubt I can get that much, but hell, an average of $10 per comic will get me $4,000. Glad that Asteri's back and had a good time in Orlando. I'll be there for a convention in August. Hot, hot, hot! And I see Emerald Dragon would like to take a trip to Asteri's island. I've been there, and it's wonderful. John redeemed himself and gave me a beatiful pottery stash pot he made for my brithday. Wayne says he'll give me my gift Sunday, before we visit my mother. That whole day is shaping up to be very interesting. Stay tuned. kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-16 01:09:03 Asteri
I'm alive!!! August? Great!!! However, too hot. Even we can't stand the heat in August. :( Have a very nice weekend dear friend. :D
2001-06-16 12:05:17 Keana2
Gawdalmighty girl, thats a load of money for comics! Wow.
---End notes---
2001-06-16 18:06:51 Minor irritants
Damn modem phone line is down again! And, I checked my Verizon bill and found that they’ve been charging me for DSL even though I cancelled it in April. Verizon now owes me about $80 in overcharges. Arrgh! My beneficent employer announced an early retirement program for employees who are at least 50 years old and meet other criteria. I’m one year short. Arrgh! On Thursday, a former colleague pleaded guilty in federal court in Connecticut to racketeering and filing a false tax return. Lennie worked as a reporter with me in Bridgeport in the late 1970s. A very handsome man and a smooth talker, he left to publish his own paper, write a book and serve as a political and business consultant.Lennie admitted to engaging in a racketeering conspiracy another mayoral fund-raiser to collect hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes and kickbacks that were hidden as fees paid to his consulting firm. He agreed to forfeit the illegal proceeds of the scheme, including $200,000 in cash and his house. Sentencing is set for Dec. 13. Lennie could be sentenced to up to 23 years in federal prison. Sigh. He was so talented, had the world by the tail, and now, at age 42, is personally and financially ruined and will probably do time. Arrgh!Gonna spend the rest of the day converting MP3 files, photographing and scanning comic book covers, and watching TV. Looking forward to a pleasant tomorrow with Wayne and my mom.kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-16 18:56:52 Asteri
I'm very sorry about your friend. Have fun tomorrow!! :)
2001-06-16 19:28:30 Solo
I guess your friend took what seemed like the easy way to riches and discovered it's not such a good choice after all. Hope your day is a truly enjoyable one (Hugs)
2001-06-16 22:06:45 peacemaker
Somehow, it is so easy to screw up. It only takes a minute to waste a life time of effort and achievement.
---End notes---
2001-06-18 09:30:36 Meet the Parents, Part 1
Had a great day with Wayne and my mom. I went to Wayne’s apartment to pick him up and got to see the improvements his parents made on the place. All the kitchen stuff was put away in its place. The formerly vertical futon is now horizontal. The guest bedroom, which his parents stayed in, is actually neat. The TV is hooked up. The main bedroom still looks like a tornado hit it. The living room is still so crowded it is hard to walk around. Wayne hasn’t gotten around to hanging his photos yet. Wayne gave me a birthday card from my cats, with dialog that ostensibly they had. Very funny. Then he gave me my gift. It is a black-and-white picture he took of a sunset that I had admired. He had it mounted and framed, and alongside it is a poem – “Georgia Dusk” by Jean Toomer. Go here to read it and learn more about Toomer: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/4722/Toomer.htmlI had sent that poem to him when I first saw the picture, and later I gave him a book of Toomer’s works. This was such a a thoughtful gift that I was near tears. I gave Wayne a hug and a kiss on the cheek.We were in an unbelievably silly mood on the one-hour drive to my mother’s house. We decided we had to get all the bad words out before we got there, so as not to slip into our usual drunken-sailor talk in front of Mom.We arrived 15 minutes early. My mother had called me on Thursday to push the time back because she wanted to go to a memorial service for a resident of her retirement community who had committed suicide that week. The woman was 80, had lived a remarkable life, but at the end suffered horribly from pulmonary obstructive disease and depression and decided life wasn’t worth the struggle anymore.Anyway, Mom wasn’t back yet, so Wayne and I walked to the tiny lake across from her house and took pictures of the geese. My mother’s retirement community is in an area that was farmland when it was first build. It has become increasing suburban, losing its rural character, and now a housing development is going up right across the street. But for now, it’s very peaceful and yesterday was such a gorgeous day that I was relaxed and happy just being there. Mom drove up and we walked back and I introduced Wayne to her. We sat in her living room and talked for an hour. Mom grew up near where Wayne did. In an amazing coincidence, Mom’s mother and Wayne’s grandparents both lived and died at the same retirement home in upstate New York. Mom had relatives in many places that Wayne had frequented while growing up. So they had lots to talk about.Wayne gave Mom a framed photo he had taken this winter of an egret diving for a fish in Monterry, California. Will this man never stop surprising me with his thoughtfulness?We went out to dinner and had WAY too much food. After we got back to Mom’s place, we took some more pictures, and Mom took two of Wayne and me. Will post them as soon as they’re back from Photoworks.On the drive back to his apartment, Wayne said he had a good time. I was glad – he did seem relaxed and at ease. We talked at his apartment for about an hour. Wayne was starting to fade – he had been up since very early because neighborhood children were so rowdy, and he still needed to call his father to wish him a nice father’s day. I drove home and discovered I, too, was exhausted, and went straight to bed at 10:30 p.m. Part 2 will come when I meet Wayne's parents.kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-18 09:36:49 Emerald Dragon
What a wonderful day! to spoend it with people that care about you and vice versa. Glad your special day was one filled with love and memories made. have a great Monday Hugs
2001-06-18 11:57:40 Nice Cat
Dang! Sounds like an absolutely wonderful day. Don't worry help is on the way. As a friend put it to me "better living through chemicals". ^..^
2001-06-18 13:32:06 Asteri
Glad you all had such a good time. {{{Hugs}}}
---End notes---
2001-06-18 22:21:27 To The Older Woman
I am attracted to other diaries for different reasons. After The Older Woman put a rather pointed comment on Peace's diary, I checked her diary. I read the whole thing, many entires more than once. What first struck me about The Older Woman (TOW from here on in; please don't be offended; I have RSI and I save keystrokes where I can) was her nearly perfect grammar and spelling. Sorry, MDD friends, but after reading entry after entry written by native English speakers who don't know the difference between your and you're and wouldn't use a spell-checker if it bit them on the ass, TOW's writing was a relief to my weary eyes. Secondly, TOW is a very talented and eloquent writer. I can't help but admire her phrasing. Her diary is painful to read, but it takes real talent to make someone feel anything about what one has written. Finally, I came across some phrases that reflected my feelings. But upon reading deeper, I discovered that we are in two very dissimilar situations. I was moved, but in a not-exactly-positive way. Because I was moved, I'm going to write about her situation. Some might not think that is a good idea, or fair, or acceptable behavior for this site. All that is cool. But if I saw someone on the street who clearly needed help, I wouldn't walk on by. I'd offer to help. If that help is refused, that's cool, too. Here's what I'm doing: I will quote directly from TOW's words. I will correct errors of fact. And yes, I will give advice, which is worth exactly what she paid for it. I will accept responsibility for everything I write. Here's what I will NOT do: I won't call names. I won't project motives. I won't take offense to anything TOW or anyone else says, except those who get the facts wrong. I won't judge. From here on in, I will address TOW.*** Good day, ma'am. I have read your entire diary, all 95 postings. As you have posted it in a public place, and as you have allowed comments to be added, and as I have a hell of a lot to say about your situation, I'm throwing out my two cents worth. I'm not commandeering space in your diary; this entry is far too long for a comment. You do yourself an injustice when you restore to name-calling, whether it's directed at people or their comments or their supposed motives. Here are just a few from your diary: "Peacemaker, you irritate the hell out of me. ... you made the idiotic comment ...You think you know everything, but you know NOTHING." "Probably the same idiot who asked me ..." "... you're a friggin idiot." "Just keep your perfect little self the f*** AWAY from my diary, ok?" You're a good writer and you don't need to stoop to name-calling, which is the last resort of the immature and untalented. TOW, you also have claimed to know things about people who post comments when you possiblye can't. For exactly, you wrote to Peacemaker: "You have obviously never been in love." You can't possibly know whether he has or not. You can't crawl inside his mind and tell him what he feels or has felt. Again, this kind of thing is beneath you, as a writer and as a human being. Let me point out some factual errors you have written. "The only thing I ever wanted out of life was to love passionately and to be loved that way in return. It never happened; and now it never will." And, "I've already had dozens of relationships, all of them unsatisfying, because they all lacked the magic that only exists with Mike." And, "I have never felt this way about anyone, ever before, and I am not going to be able to settle for less." In each of those statements, you make that claim that you will never feel about anyone the way you feel about Mike. Sorry, TOW, but you and no one else can predict the future. You do not know what life holds for you tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. You don't know how you will feel about anyone or anything. You don't know who will come into or go out of your life. You don't know how you will change. You don't know how your family and friends will change. Also, those statements indicate flawed logic. Think of the best meal you've ever had. Did you stop eating because you figured no other meal could be equal to it? Did you say you'll never be able to settle for a lesser meal? Do you see the flaw in your claim that because you've had the best means you can never enjoy anything less? Regarding your seeking of psychiatric treatment, you wrote: "And, also FYI, I did get therapy." And "And I was told decisively that I was not crazy." I'm glad you got therapy. I'm a little concerned, however, about the skills of any therapist who treated you simply by telling you you're not crazy without helping you deal with this love you say you feel for Mike. And as you wrote, "True love does not respond to drugs," I fear you did not get a complete understanding of the nature of therapy, mental illness and psychotropic medication. I'm also concerned about the efficacy of such therapy, because you also wrote: "I think about suicide every day." Successful treatment does not leave people feeling suicidal. "Any sincere advice is always appreciated," you wrote. OK, The Older Woman. Here is sincere advice. Your writings indicate that you are in pain, that you are suffering. That is not normal, it is not good for you, it is not good for your children, it is not good for Mike. If you are so miserable that you think daily about ending your life, you need help and you need it now. Spending years of your life thinking and longing for first this boy and now man, waiting in the shadows near his house, going to events in hopes of seeing him, monitoring his activities through online snooping and through his friends, getting giddy at the thought of getting to ride in his car with him -- TOW this not love, although you seem to believe that it is. Again, I am quoting you: "I have spent nearly every Saturday night for the past three and half years wondering where Mike is." And, "I'd walk down near the road that leads to his subdivision and sit in the shadows and wait to see his car go down the road and home." And, "When you think about the torture I endured for nine months, not being able to see his face or hear his voice... is this not the most AMAZING thing one could imagine?" And, "He is everything to me." And, "YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Dinner, and two half-hour car rides. Oh my god...." And, "I thought I had seen that his car was moved, but as I think about it, it wasn't. It's still in the same place his parents parked it when they brought it home from Rochester while he was in Tennessee. I haven't seen the car parked near any of his friends' houses. He has been online a couple of times at very strange times of day, using a screen name he usually only uses for an e-mail address. So... if he's not home, where is he? And why? I thought I had seen that his car was moved, but as I think about it, it wasn't. He has been online a couple of times at very strange times of day, using a screen name he usually only uses for an e-mail address. So... if he's not home, where is he? And why?" One does not have to be Sigmund Freud to see obsessive behavior in your actions regarding Mike. Obsessive behavior can be treated with medication and therapy. If you've been dissatisfied with psychiatric treatment you've gotten in the past, go to a different therapist. Call the local mental health association. Ask your adult friends for recommendations. Ask your personal physican, your religious confidante, anyone you trust, but PLEASE GET HELP. You do not have to continue suffering. kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-19 01:05:12 The Older Woman
Do you really think I haven't heard all of this before?
2001-06-19 01:48:53 Solo
Sounds like she likes things the way they are.
2001-06-19 15:15:18 Gigi33
What wonderful advice. I hope she takes it, but I agree with Solo. Gigi
2001-06-19 15:27:30 Asteri
I really admire you for being so caring towards others. Please don't change...
---End notes---
2001-06-19 22:34:50 Work, work, work
Man, there is just not enough time in the week to get things done! I've got scanning and e-mailing and cleaning and laundry and mildew scrubbing and cat-hair vacuuming and air and hotel reservations and clothes shopping and gift selecting and auctions to monitor. I have magazines I haven't read, videotapes I haven't watched, CDs I haven't heard. Having a job is interfering with my life big time! I got any e-mail from a former friend I worked with in Bridgeport. We were best buds then, but we lost track. I hunted down her e-mail address (I love the Internet!) and wrote her. She lives near New York City invited me to her place for a weekend. I'd love to hop up there and take her and her husband to a Broadway show. What fun that would be! I have been feeling especially good lately. I've reached out to people I'd lost contact with and heard back from half of them. They were excited to hear from me and glad I made the first move. My mood is stabilized, my appetite is back, I feel as if I'm making progress in therapy, I've improved my finances with the refinancing and cuttign back on duplications; I've taken control of my job and set boundaries for my supervisor. I have friends and family nearby who love me; I have cats who keep my company; I have a beautiful home; a smart, beautiful, talented niece who will start her adult life in a few months at college; and fairly good health. I am one lucky woman. It's hard to believe that four months ago I didn't want to live. It's hard to believe that I saw no good in myself, found no pleasure in anything, and that I believed I would never feel joy again. It's hard to remember that black hole I was in. I am so grateful that medication exists to help me and I can afford to get it. I am grateful that my friends, especially my friends here at My Dear Diary, whom I abandoned when I was dueling the despair squid, saw me through this. I'm a poster child for better living through through pharmaceuticals. Things CAN get better. ***note to TOW: In answer to your question, I have no idea what you've heard before. I doubt you've heard before EVERYTHING I wrote, unless you've encountered my literary doppelganger. But, OK, I'll take your word that I've told you nothing new. Why do you choose to continue to be miserable when you've heard before that help is available? kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-20 02:36:58 peacemaker
You have come a long way baby! Keep up the good work. Have you ever thought of becoming a board member of the local Mental Health Association? I am on a local board. The organization sticks up and advocates for the 20% of Americans who have to deal with an emotional crisis yearly. It also has an educational bent, and fights stigma and prejudice. You would be good.
2001-06-20 07:57:11 Emerald Dragon
Glad that things are so bright and sunny for you! Have a happy day.
2001-06-20 08:26:38 Nice Cat
Am so proud of how far you've come. Thanks for sharing it, it gives hope to those of us still in the pit. Great to know there is a way out. ^..^
2001-06-20 08:28:11 Asteri
I'm so glad you're back to normal. :) Yes, there're lots of people who care deeply about you here @ MDD; like me. :) {{{Big Hugs}}}
2001-06-20 09:53:27 Keana2
Thank you! I needed to hear/read an entry like this..........((ohsotighthugs))
---End notes---
2001-06-20 20:39:52 Just the facts, ma'am
First, TOW, thank you for writing. I make it a rule not to comment to anonymous posters, but as it is clear who you are, I'll make an exception. Second, thank you for taking the time to read my diary. I hope you enjoyed it. Onto the fact checking: "don't want you or your little groupies to come give me any more unsolicited advice." I have never posted on your diary. My comments to you are on my diary. Anyone who doesn't care for what I have to say need not read my diary. As to whether any of my friends here are groupies (or little, for that matter), I don't know if they are or aren't. I'm curious to know how you came to label people as such. Further, you stated in your diary that sincere advice would be appreciated. That sounds like solicitation to me. "Holier-than-thou:" Stating facts is not being holier than thou. You called names; I pointed that out. I am very much in favor of reasoned debates, and name-calling precludes that. I strive for civilized discussions, with a frank and honest exchange of facts. I'm glad you have been under psychiatric care. I'm sorry that the antidepressants prescribed for you made you feel like a zombie. That is a very common side effect. It can take many months of trial and error with medications and dosages to get it right. There is nothing in my writings in which I state that every emotional problem can be "treated" and I certainly made no mention of miracles. In fact, medications are effective only 80 percent of the time. "I'm such a hideous freak that no man, let alone someone as nice as W2, would want me." Yes, there were and still are times when I hate myself or the way I look. "Oh, yes, because you are the same age, that makes it "love" rather than "obsession." Nowhere do I claim that age is the defining line between love and obsession. "Are you still 150 pounds overweight?" More like 120 pounds. I lost a lot during my bout with anorexia caused by antidepressants. " Yup, you're not in misery at all, are you?" I never claimed not to be in misery. "I note that you have a therapist. How long have you been paying him/her?" I have been seeing Galen since the first week in January 2001. I pay $20 co-pay per visit; my HMO pays the remaining $65 per visit. "How long is it going to take him/her to fix YOU????" I have no idea. "you've written 160 entries and are still hoping to be introduced to "Mr. Happy." " You betcha. A girl can dream, can't she? "And this is different from my situation, HOW?????" Just a few differences: You are a musician and I can't carry a tune. You live somewhere other than I. I'll bet we look nothing alike, and I'll bet Mike and Wayne look nothing alike. Anyway, I didn't offer up my situation as ideal. I would not suggest that anyone emulate me in my friendship with Wayne. "Physician, heal thyself." I'm not a physician. And I'm doing my best to heal myself, with help from medication, mental health professionals, and my friends and family. TOW, I responded to your statements about contemplating suicide and how miserable you were. Those were your words. I stand by my suggestion that you might consider resuming therapy and explore other medications to ease that misery. kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-21 08:33:25 Nice Cat
Damn girl you are too awesome. This entry just shows how much character you have. Yet another thing that I admire about you. ^..^
2001-06-21 10:01:25 Authentic Woman
WOW Jane~I've been negligent for far too long. Like you, I think that leaving a comment should be a priviledge associated with a name. Nastiness and being judgemental should not come into play. Keep your chin up and head held high. You did good. By the way, you obviously know who the commenter was, I would love to check out their entries and journal site as well. AW
2001-06-21 10:32:03 Keana2
Groupie here! ROFLMAO! One score for Jane!
---End notes---
2001-06-21 11:03:04 Belated happy father's day
Many of you wrote lovely pieces for father's day. I kind of zone out on father's day since my dad died nearly four years ago. I'll write in depth about him on the anniversary of his death. In the meantime, let me write a tribute to the best living dad, indeed, one of the best men I've ever known -- my brother Ken. Ken is two and a half years younger than I. He and I have the same complexion and the same hair color and texture. When we were teen-agers, people thought we were twins, we looked so much alike. My little brother is a classic example of how one can overcome serious problems to become an extraordinary person. As alike as we looked, we both had physical weaknesses. I had gynecologic problems. Ken had rheumatoid arthritis. I overate. Ken smoked cigarettes and abused alcohol and drugs. Ken got through college in five years, despite his substance abuse. He finally dealt with his problem by going to Alcoholic Anonymous. He's been clean and sober for more than 20 years, and still attends AA meetings several times a week. Ken met Peg at an AA meeting. They fell in love and moved to San Francisco where she attended art school. Ken and Peg got married, and had a daughter, Rachel. Peg also had a son, Josh, from a previous relationship. Ken accepted Josh as his own. To this day, Josh who is 27, calls Ken "Dad."Ken and Peg both worked in a professional photo processing lab. Perhaps you've seen the big coffee table books series "A Day in the Life Of …" Their lab processed the photos for those books. But my brother had another career dream -- to be a firefighter. He applied but was turned down several times by the city of San Francisco. He joined with other black applicants and filed a class-action suit against the city. The plaintiffs prevailed, and my brother was admitted to basic firefighter training. The legal battle had taken so long, however, that my brother was 40 years old. A 40-year-old rookie, doing training with men and women half his age. He prevailed, and has been a firefighter since. Peg left the marriage. She had some different ideas about how things should be for her. She did not want full-time responsibility for raising Rachel. Ken got custody of Rachel, but for reasons I still don't understand, he had to pay Peg alimony for several years. Josh was always a difficult child who eventually left home before age 18 and started dealing drugs. He has been convicted and done time several times. Each time he is released from prison, Josh lives with Ken, not his birth mother, Peg. Rachel is an extraordinary young woman. She just graduated from high school and will attend UC Long Beach in the fall. Ken has done a remarkable job raising her. I am so proud of my little brother. kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-21 11:05:48 BombshellBrunette
It's great to be proud of your little brother! Although I have to admit, I'm not! Hugz!
2001-06-21 15:36:17 Gigi33
I'd be proud too! And I'm sure he is proud of you. BTW, bravo on your debate response in previous entry. Gigi
2001-06-22 03:21:47 peacemaker
hey your brother has been through a lot,and came out unscathed. It is to his credit. He sounds like a persistent and courageous guy.............. I can't believe the attack on you personally from the other diarist. There is a biting and hostile tendency there. I find it interesting that she claims to have a Master's in psychology.
2001-06-22 09:48:59 Nice Cat
What a fine man! It's great to know they are out there. ^..^
2001-06-23 12:04:13 Asteri
You have an amazing brother. Just like you. :)
---End notes---
2001-06-22 09:36:47 Picture this
Head on over to: http://communities.msn.com/JaneSkyeSobe sure to go to the second page. i've upoaded new pix of mom and me, wayne and me and wayne.kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-22 18:16:31 peacemaker
cool pictures!
2001-06-23 05:17:34 peacemaker
I liked the picture of the two of you; you look like a couple. I like the single of W2 in the blue shirt; he has a kindly smile.
2001-06-23 12:05:51 Asteri
Beautiful pictures. You and Wayne look beautiful together.
---End notes---
2001-06-23 17:53:21 Mailbag
Time to respond to comments from my friends over the last few day. Peace, glad you liked the pic I took of Wayne. He is not the most cooperative photographic subject. I caught him unaware and relaxed, just enjoying the scenery. Peace and Asteri, yes, Wayne and I do look like a couple, and we look good together, as if we belong together. You're not the only ones who have noticed that. We have a comfortable intimacy that speaks volumes. Nice Cat, whenever I hear that song by Salt 'n' Pepa, "What a Mighty Good Man," I think of my brother. Asteri, my brother and I are amazing, and that's because of our parents. Peace, you and your wife are raising two remarkable kids, and so are you, Asteri. No matter what else you do in life, knowing you've taken the lump of flesh that is a baby and turned him/her into a productive member of society has got to be your greatest triumph. AW, the anonymous poster to my diary is The Older Woman. There is a link to her diary a few entries earlier. If you have time, take a look. I'd really like to know what others think about her situation. She's a music teacher who has had a crush for four years on a young man who is now 19 -- which means the crush started when the boy was 15 or 16. The Older Woman claims to be in love with this boy, and has lurked around his house, followed his movements online, and generally behaved in a way that I find disturbing. Yes, Peace, The Older Woman does seem to be a little too eager to resort to vitriolic abuse. She's a good writer (except for that facile tripe she calls poetry), but gets defensive when readers suggest she's a few notes short of symphony. You've been on the receiving end of it, as well. And you, Peace, more than anyone I know, are all too aware of the damage inappropriate attention from an adult to a child can do.My concern is that this obsession will get further out of control to the point of harming the children she works with. Sadly, if The Older Woman refuses to get help on her own, she may find herself in the position of being forced into treatment.Or maybe not. Maybe I'm so bitter and suspicious that I can't see the beauty, devotion, longing and pure, chaste love that can exist between a thirty- or forty-something woman and a teen-ager entrusted to her care. Thanks for all your support. My Dear Diary truly is a magical place.kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-23 19:24:47 Asteri
Hey! :) I get happy when you mention me in your diary. I didn't want to say anything about this lady you have written about but I think it's quite pathologic. I wish she realizes what she's doing before something bad happens. Did I tell you that you look a lot like your mother? {{{Big Hugs}}}
2001-06-24 08:44:05 peacemaker
I don't see tow as hurting Mike. He is well aware of her interest and has set limits consciously or not. Probably, with awareness is my guess. As Solo stated she like the present situation, but will inevitably be damaged herself. I feel sympathy for her but she is flying the plane in a self destructive manner and won't hear of any voice from the ground.
2001-06-24 13:20:40 Jane Skye So
excellent points, as always, Peace. The young man in question probably is well aware, and therefore, safe. thanks for putting my fears to rest.
2001-06-25 00:12:02 Solo
I haven't read TOW but I understand your concerns because it doesn't matter who the victim is or how much the paedophile bleats about loving the child damage is done when older people mess with developing minds/bodies but, at 19, I'd say he has the ability to set limits. If TOW really is a masters degree level psych then she didn't learn much at all if she isn't aware that where there is a power imbalance there is potential for abuse but then many people make it into powerful positions only to be shot down for misusing them. If she is willing to defend her position then she doesn't want to change and lets face it - focusing on the young can make one feel young so as long as she isn't harming him it's her life.
2001-06-25 14:10:20 Nice Cat
It's great to know that there are men out there like him. ^..^
---End notes---
2001-06-25 20:20:13 Meet the parents, part 2
Met Wayne's parents this afternoon before going to work. They blew into town with 12 hours notice on Thursday afternoon. They've been busy redecorating Wayne's apartment and sleeping, eating and watching TV. Wayne looked beat. He said it's like having two toddlers -- they run around like maniacs, then get cranky and tired but refuse to sleep. They also have very, um, simple tastes in food, so it's hard for Wayne to find places to take them to dinner. We were supposed to get together on Sunday, but Wayne said the 'rents were too beat. So he called me at 1 p.m. today to tell me they weren't at his place, when they walked in. So I showered and dressed and drove to Wayne's apartment. His mom did most of the talking, about the drapes she had made for Wayne, and about how beastly hot it was. The dad mostly nodded. I gave them a framed picture of Wayne that I had taken last week (some of you have seen it on my photo site). They are simple, homey folks, very pleasant. Wayne is nothing like them. Go figure. After I went to work, Wayne sent me an e-mail saying the 'rents liked me (what's not to like?) and he thought it was very nice of me to give them a picture of him. The most recent one they have is about five or six years old.*** The weekend was pretty uneventful. I finished convert my rock 'n' roll CDs to MP3 files on one computer. One hundred and fifty CDs. I have 1.7 gigs left on a 10-gigabyte hard drive. Now, I must tackle the show tunes. Still haven't scanned comix to sell them on ebay. Maybe next week, when I'll be off. But then I've got to go to another county to train a new user. And I have to take my mother to buy a recliner. The herniated disk and arthritis in her spine make it impossible for her to sleep all night in a bed. I hope I can buy one that comes in two parts show she can have it right away. Brad, the 19-year-old son of my systems partner, John, has been in hospital since Friday. Docs first said the Brad had hepatitis, then mono. Now, they have no idea. John says Brad is getting better, his temperature is down from its high of 103, and he's getting sleep. Sounds terribly scary for John and his family. kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-25 21:52:01 Authentic Woman
ok already....you've now met the parents, you have this terrific friendship with W2, now if he'd only speed things up a notch so that those of us that are a tad bit controlling and obsessive compulsive can finally breathe a sigh of relief, I'd really appreciate it. I'm glad it went well for you. AW
2001-06-25 22:41:36 Solo
Glad all went well with the 'rents :)
2001-06-25 23:45:37 Emerald Dragon
Great photos and what a kind gesture. I bet his parents appreciated it greatly since the last one was ummm ~ not very recent. Hugs
2001-06-26 08:33:23 Nice Cat
Awww...they liked you. Of course they would, you are great! ^..^
2001-06-26 20:16:50 peacemaker
they have good judgement too!
2001-06-26 22:52:28 Asteri
I'm glad you had a great time with Wayne's parents. I'm praying tha Brad gets better ASAP. {{{Hugs}}}
---End notes---
2001-06-28 19:31:17 Woman's work
Just a brief entry. I've been rushed off my feet the last several days. John's son is out of hospital and home recovering. He had mono plus raging strep throat. Antibiotics and steroids have helped him. John is back at work. I took advantage of eBay's free listing day and posted some items without pictures. I will add photos this weekend; I scanned a bunch in this morning. Did another hypnotherapy session with Galen. I feel as if I've had a nap after these sessions; they're very restful and calming. I wish I could duplicate that same feeling at home in bed. It's beastly hot and, of course, the van's air-conditioning conks out. Dunno when I'll have time to get it fixed. DSL modem and three Webcams arrived from Verizon this week. Maybe they won't fail me this time and I'll be surfing at high speed on July 10. Haven't had time to play with my newly arrived Palm toys. Won't before Sunday. I have to take my mother on Saturday to buy a recliner. Her arthritis and herniated disk cause her great pain when she's sleeping and she hopes being in a semi-upright position will ease some of the pressure on her spine. Happy anniversary, Bernadette and Eddie!kjsysed@hotmail.com
---Notes---
2001-06-29 07:53:57 Nice Cat
Hope your mommy feels better. ^..^
---End notes---
2001-06-30 20:24:14 Aging mom
I’m back from my mother’s, and from a cow-orker's going-away party. I hit the kids’ shift at the party, and there were way too many ankle-biters about. What is it with parents who thrust their infant into your arms, whether you want to hold the sticky rugrats or not? Too often with me, infants get a look at (or handful of) my, um, well-endowed chestal area and think “All you can eat!”Things turned ugly when I mistook a really tiny baby for a mutant chicken and started basting the tot with barbecue sauce. Luckily, just then, a thunderstorm blew through and I escaped in the ensuing deluge.It was a far more difficult visit with my mother. Mom seems to have aged 10 years in the two weeks since Wayne and I visited. She uses a cane to walk, and she wants to get a walker. She had a bruise over her right eye. She says she has terrible nightmares and got the bruise when she fell out of bed during one. Now she has pillows and cushions piled on the side of the bed in case it happens again.She finally agreed to hire a maid service like I have to clean her house, because she’s not up to it. She takes nearly a dozen medications daily, including codeine for her spinal pain and an over-the-counter sleeping pill. She has an MRI, sigmoidoscopy and some other ghastly procedure skedded for next week.Plus, she almost killed the both of us when she didn’t notice a red light. It was only when I screamed “Light!” that she slammed on the brakes and we just barely avoided skidding into the intersection.Shit. She might not be able to live without assistance much longer. Fortunately, the retirement community has apartments if she can’t stay in the house. She doesn’t have to cook cuz she can take her meals at the dining hall.Mom’s mindis still sharp, and she has a very positive attitude despite all her discomfort. Eight months ago, she was snorkeling in the Pacific Ocean. I guess this is the first time it really hit me that she’s on the inevitable slide down. This makes me very sad.Anyway, we got to Lazy Boy and I bought a recliner for her to sit in when lying flat on her back is too painful. It allegedly will be delivered on July 4.In other news, still no bids on my stuff on eBay, although I got another e-mail inquiry about the Zap comics. Well, there are still five days.yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-06-30 22:43:44 Keana2
aww Im sorry to hear about your mom........
2001-07-01 01:53:50 peacemaker
difficult time in life.......... the inevitable slide is a tough time to face. I know you and your mom are very close. I hope she can find some comfort in the new Lazy boy.
2001-07-01 07:46:23 Toyota
I wish you all the best. I know that it is heart-wrenching to see your Mother that way... I will be thinking of you...
2001-07-01 13:02:53 Asteri
Seeing our loved ones age is very difficult. I know she'll be fine. I most concerned about you. :) Take it easy and remember this is part of the cycle of life. {{{Hugs}}}
2001-07-01 16:15:43 Emerald Dragon
Sorry to hear that you are having to face some of the tougher realities of life. Laxy boys can be great instruments of comfort. After I had a kidney removed I think I lived in my lazy boy for a week or more. Hope it helps your Mom too. I'll keep you in my prayers. HUGS
---End notes---
2001-07-01 23:52:20 Big issues
Spent a pleasant Sunday afternoon and evening with Wayne. We installed two more concrete blocks on the edge of my driveway and Wayne watched while I scrubbed mildew from the bathroom ceiling. We went to a sports bar for dinner, then stopped at the grocery cuz we both needed stuff. Back at my place we talked for a few hours. Domestic work around the house? Grocery shopping? Nah, we’re not a couple. I had one serious topic to discuss with Wayne. I had been making notes all week, and then my visit with my mother yesterday made it seem even more important. I had already given a friend, Mike, and my brother medical power of attorney. I asked Wayne if I could add him to the list (always have a backup, I say) and he readily agreed. And when I shuffle off this mortal coil, I’ve designated that any useable organs be harvested, and my body be donated to the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. I will revise my will this month, as it’s been three years since I first had it drawn up. A few things have changed. Rachel will be 18 next month, so I need to designate that money go to her rather than a trust. She’ll be an adult; might as well let her be responsible for her finances. Gina and Mike will remain as executors. I now have substantial life insurance, courtesy of my beneficient employer when I became management. That will go to Rachel. The rest of my monetary estate (stocks, bonds, mutual funds, IRAs, 401(k), etc) after taxes, debts and fees are paid, will be divided among two journalism organizations and the SPCA. I have also designated $15,000 to whoever takes my cats, to provide for their upkeep and vet care. That leaves real and personal property: my house, my car, jewelry, electronic equipment, books and music. I’m leaving Gina and Rachel the jewelry. And I’m leaving Wayne the house, its contents, and the car. He was, understandably, shocked to hear this. I explained that Wayne has done more work on this house than anyone. And the house means so much to me, I wouldn’t want it sold off by strangers. Wayne agreed, although he still seemed nonplused. I’ll write up the changes and get them to my lawyer on my four days off this week. Don’t worry, friends, I’m not planning on dying anytime soon. But I worked damn hard all my life to earn what I have, and I’ll be ice-skating in hell before I let the state decide what happens to it. I was talking to Wayne about how My Dear Diary has helped me see things in other people that I also feel or do. I told him how, after reading so many diaries in which women blame their looks or their weight for their lack of a satisfactory life, I had stopped doing that. I still think that, during my bad moments, but I no longer believe that I’m ugly or a freak. Wayne said he recalls this scene at my housewarming party in June 1998: Wayne, Gina and I were in my bedroom watching a baseball game. I was nestled in my chair-and-a-half, and I said, apparently without provocation, “I’m a hideous monster.” Wayne, who had known me for all of two months, was stunned. Gina, who had heard this before, just waved her hand, he said. I have NO memory of this. It is amazing, though, that I was so filled with self-loathing that even at a good time – a party in my lovely new home with my friends – I voiced my hatred of myself. I almost cried when Wayne told me that story. I thought then that it was perfectly normal to view myself as hideous. It was so ingrained into my psyche that I expressed it as casually as one might say “Have a nice day.” Hell’s bells, I was majorly fucked up then. Yet, if anyone had asked, I would have said I was happy with my life. I didn’t feel depressed, and I wasn’t on medication. I still have bouts of low self-esteem. But I no longer believe I’m hideous. I actually like what I see in the mirror sometimes. I still have a long way to go, but this little story has brought it into sharp perspective. I have gotten better.yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-02 01:37:43 Caramel Queen
you're not the first diarist whose said MDD has been therapeutic... and best of all - it's free! bravo for you, Jane... it's all in how we perceive ourselves - what we think we are, we become...
2001-07-02 11:39:14 Asteri
I never cease to admire you even more. You're an amazing and brilliant woman Kasey. And an exellent example to follow. {{{Big Hugs}}}
2001-07-02 21:15:59 Keana2
you've come along way baby! you rock!
2001-07-03 02:56:30 peacemaker
hey, you have found a friend in Wayne also; that friendship has seen you through a difficult depression and he stood by you as a friend, an intimate friend. I am jealous of your intimacy with him even though it is in a measure incomplete. My relationship is parrallel in some ways with my wife, we share much less of our internal lives than you and Wayne do as a matter of course.
2001-07-03 03:02:25 peacemaker
In many ways we revise the concept of ourselves only by sharing ourselves with others and testing these new hypotheses. You have found that you have value and are a valueable person to many of us here. Certainly no monster! It was so good of Wayne to bring that up to you, so you could discuss it.
2001-07-03 10:47:10 Authentic Woman
It's a great thing that you have found self acceptance and peace. Like Peace, I think that your friendship with W2 is much deeper than some/many marriages. I will be happy when I can be in the same emotional place that you are in. Self accpetance and love elude me. AW
2001-07-05 03:10:32 Solo
Sometimes I wish I could prescribe MDD for my clients it can be so therapeutic :)
---End notes---
2001-07-06 00:27:14 Nothing much
My sorta week off is almost at an end and I haven’t done anywhere near the stuff I intended. I haven’t scanned a single comic book cover; I haven’t installed any of the three games on my computer; I haven’t cleaned my office or installed the DSL filters. Here’s what I did get done: Cleared paper recyclables from sunroom.Oil changed in minivan. Cancelled MSN service. Installed and uninstalled Palm Pilot, which left me with unusable Microsoft Outlook. Still must mail Palm and peripherals back and get credit. Installed Handspring Visor, a Palm clone, and got it to synch and work. Input phone numbers to Visor and desktop software. Did major purging of programs on both IBM machines. Made air and hotel reservations for my two conventions next month. Sold one non-comic item on eBay, though winner has yet to contact me. I think I’m going to be stiffed. So far, this eBay thing has been a lesson in expensive frustration. Got lots of sleep. Ate fairly well. Took meds every day. Mostly I kept to myself. A couple at work invited me to take the train to D.C. to see the fireworks. I declined, and I’m glad I did, cuz it was pouring with rain the whole time. The recliner I bought for my mother was delivered on July 4. She likes it. She has spent most of this week undergoing medical tests. I hope some results point to the cause and treatment of her back pain. Nothing exciting, I’ll agree. That suits me just fine. yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-06 00:48:13 truthseeker
I think its good not morbid that your'e thinking about future things like wills etc.Funny thing I've been thinking about mine the past few days and its so far out of date its not funny. Needs a complete overhaul so I've made that my project for next week.Hope your Mom is feeling better.
2001-07-06 01:58:03 y2kbugged
if you call a province in canada a state... yes she was... how's she find out..???.. the ex was just to glad to rat me out for anything and everything... nuff sed!!!
2001-07-06 12:22:25 Asteri
That's a very busy week for me. :)
---End notes---
2001-07-07 06:42:59 Life is a journey, not a destination
If anyone knows who wrote this, please let me know. I'd like to give him/her credit. This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend. Dear, I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank. "Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I'd like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know. It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God. yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-07 07:49:11 Azarias
That is so beautiful...
2001-07-07 09:57:54 Authentic Woman
this is way cool and a great philosphy to live by. AW
2001-07-07 13:51:05 Asteri
For about a year or so, I've been trying to live like that and I don't regret it...
2001-07-07 19:06:41 peacemaker
I'm getting there, less focused on making others happy at the expense of my own independence.
---End notes---
2001-07-08 20:07:03 Shame and loathing
Hang on for a rambling ride. My muddled brain is going in a thousand directions, and I want to get everything down, no matter how nonlinear. I’m in one of my self-loathing moods; you’ve been warned.I feel the despair squid’s slimy tentacles, waiting for a chance to grab me. The cause? I have to go back to work tomorrow. It’s not that I had such productive week off. I did get a lot of sleep, and no longer feel tired. I have had nightmares; mostly they involve me running from someone through a decaying urban center. Go figure.But being away from work often reinforces how miserable the job makes me. I checked my work e-mail and I could feel the msucles in my jaw getting tight. I was irritated with the simplest of requests. I wanted to scream, “Take care of yourselves, you big babies!” See why I never had children? I’m also fairly stressed about my mother. She is in the hurry-up-and-wait stages after having a series of tests last week. The codeine is only giving her minimal relief, as is the Lazy Boy recliner. Asteri is right, this is part of the cycle of life. Like most other people, I don’t fear her death; I fear her suffering. I fear her losing independence, her ability to enjoy life. It already seems her life is an endless round of doctors’ visits and medical tests. For now she is able to drive herself to them; I’m not certain how long that will last. It would be nice if we all lived to be healthy and active at 99 and then died peacefully in our sleep.My mother will be 76 next month. I watched my father’s slow decline from self-inflicted mistreatment: smoking, excessive drinking, refusal to exercise, refusal to keep mentally and socially active. He died at age 72. I foolishly thought that my mother, who hasn’t smoked for 30 years, is a teetotaler, swims a half-mile three times a week, and has a social calendar more full than the First Lady’s, wouldn’t deteriorate.I also spend my week off trying to branch out socially and contact some men for a relationship. I’m still in unrequited love with Wayne; his friendship means a great deal to me, and I don’t want to give it up. But unless I whack Wayne upside the head with a laser level, duct-tape him to my bed and coax Mr. Happy out with a vise grip (yes, I have all those tools), ours will probably not be a sexual, romantic relationship.So I answered about a dozen personal ads on a couple of sites. One each one, I gave a link to my Web site, which has my picture right on the first page. I don’t want anyone to be think I match this society’s idea of beauty.So far, not a single e-mail back. Rejection. I know, I know – I’m a beautiful, smart, funny, sexy woman with a lot a love to give a man worthy of such attention. I know, I know – any man who rejects me strictly on the basis of a picture is a shallow asshole and not worth a second thought. I know that I’ll need to answer a hundred ads before I get one suitable response. I know, I’m 49, far too old and wise to get worked up over men’s failings.It’s silly and self-indulgent of me to entertain these thoughts. I’ll banish them soon.*****Got the palm keyboard mailed off to the buyer in hawaii. The final tally for my first successful eBay sale: $45 -- paid by seller 1.75 -- eBay commission 5.05 postage and insurance 1.29 PayPal commission (the financial intermediary; no way am i dealing with money orders or bounced checks) total profit: $36.91 My future comix auctions will include a flat $10 postage and insurance fee. I got my hair done on Friday. I get the dreads twisted at this, um, salon next to a moviehouse that is a national landmark. There is no running water; the women who work there are allowed to use the restrooms of the other businesses in the block. I wash my hair before I go there Do you remember the "Seinfeld" episode in which Elaine gets her nails done at the salon where all the workers are Korean and she's certain they're dissing her in their native language? Where I go, the women are from Senegal, and while I can pick out a few French words and phrases from their patois, I have no clue what they're saying. I tip very heavily in a transparent effort to curry favor with them. Verizon continues to taunt me, three days before DSL is supposed to be activated. Karl called me this afternoon. After we talked for several minutes, I heard dialing and a man started to speak. I spoke, and the conversation went something like this:Me: I’m sorry, the lines seem to have crossed.Man (to other man): There’s some woman on the other line.Me: (huffily) I didn’t do this on purpose.Man: Well, hang up!Me: You hang up! I was here first.At this point, another caller came on. There were five people on my line! It was like those party lines we had during the 1950s.I rang off from Karl, and tried for about 10 minutes to call him back. Everytime I picked up the receiver, someone else was on the line.So I used my other phone line, the one that’s just for my computer modem. But Karl lives in another state, and I don’t have long-distance service on this line, so I had to dial 10-10-321. What a mess!Well, gonna try to rest now. Gotta be strong to face the Nightmare on Calvert Street tomorrow.yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-08 21:18:23 Emerald Dragon
Its always tough to go back to work after time off. I will suffer from some of the same dread on Tuesday. I took Friday and Monday off. Sending sunny thoughts your way.
2001-07-09 01:52:50 Asteri
I know the feeling when it comes to men from ads. Good luck my dear friend! The line episode was funny. :) I hope you enjoy this week back to work. {{{Hugs}}}
2001-07-10 00:01:14 Solo
Hope your return to work won't be as bad as you expect. I have come to the conclusion that they don't make men properly. If they did I would have found at least one who was worth having by now ;) As for the 15 min orgasm - yeah I did not tell her she was lying but if this sort of ego stroking is what the singer is used to then I will be of no use to him at all *G*
---End notes---
2001-07-11 01:09:14 Life in the fast lane
Yee haw! I am blazing on the Infobahn at 829 kbps per second! DSL installed with few hitches. We’ll see how long it keeps working.Going back to work wasn’t as bad as I feared. Prick boy and I spent an hour trying to get a 10-year-old version of LapLink to work on a Windows NT machine. Only prick boy would keep ancient software around and try to use it.Today he said my carelessness resulted in a shipment of 25 Logitech mouses being stolen. Who knew there was such a black market for those input devices?I called Wayne when I couldn’t sleep Monday morning and we talked for three hours about serious stuff and frivolous stuff. He made me laugh, as always, and I made him think, as always.I’m getting excited about my convention trips next month. I’m especially looking forward to Disney World, even though I will be there at the end of August and the heat and humidity will probably keep me from doing a lot. But the hotel I’m staying at has several pools, 17 restaurants, free transportation to all the surrounding attractions. The first night of the convention, Disney is giving us free run of Universal Studios.And I always see long-time, far-flung friends. It’s like a big reunion. And I might actually do some work-related stuff. yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-11 09:43:46 Emerald Dragon
I love conventions too as they allow you to exchange thoughts with peers in you field and also have some fun in a city you might have otherwise never visited. I know you are excitied about seeing Mouse World ! Free run of Universal with out the regular lines , now that sounds like a hoot! Hope your day is great !
2001-07-11 11:16:02 Keana2
cool!
2001-07-11 11:20:20 Asteri
Have fun!! :)
2001-07-11 19:04:48 JackieL15
Sounds like fun, and if prick boy really bugs you then tell him off, cause life is too short to live with annoying people who, most of the time, are unaware of their annoying qualities
---End notes---
2001-07-12 09:02:59 Cast of characters
Me: Jane Skye So (it’s an anagram of my real name) known to pals as Kasey. At age 49, growing older and wiser. I’m a computer system administrator for a major metropolitan daily newspaper.Wayne (formerly W2): the close friend and colleague for whom I have an unrequited love and lust.Mom: my 75-year-old mother who lives in a retirement community 40 miles away.John L.: My co-worker in computer administration.Gina: My closest female colleague.Sharon: one of my closest friends since high school.Prick boy: my supervisor.Nightmare on Calvert Street: My workplace.(l)users: my clueless, computer-impaired co-workers.Cow-orkers: See (l)users.The lovely abode: My house.Rudy, Tasha and Mambo: my cats.Charm City: The decaying metropolis I insist on living in, because somebody from the middle class has to.Ken: My brother, the firefighter.Rachel: My brother’s daughter, my niece.Galen: my therapist.The despair squid: the persona I’ve given to my depression.Spell checker: The tool that exists on every computer in the universe except, apparently, the ones used by my wonderful friends on MDD.yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-12 10:14:02 Authentic Woman
ya know, it's funny that I feel like I know all of these people, places, and things. Have a great week. AW
2001-07-12 13:02:33 Fyresetter
haw haw very funny and enlightening entry, esp like the comment about spellcheck [i dont use it, cant you tell?]
2001-07-12 16:39:49 peacemaker
I hope you keep that squid at bay or in the bay. I passed the quiz as an insider. Hang in there, Kasey.
2001-07-13 01:47:33 Asteri
I use the spell checker, I swear! :P
---End notes---
2001-07-16 00:35:53 Tedium
Not much good going on this weekend, just a lot of tedium and annoying stuff.The cats have fleas. This is the first time in 15 years that my pets, who never go outside, had fleas. Got flea collars, and have been combing through their hair to get the fleas and the debris off their skin. What fun.My brand shiny new DSL went down exactly 24 hours after I installed it. Luckily, the evil Verizon restored service in eight hours.I have not been sleeping much lately. Two hours one night, 90 minutes another. Will be seeing the psychiatrist for quarterly medication check on Tuesday. I will ask him for some sleeping pills. I have refused sleeping pills even when offered for more than 10 years because they knocked me out and made me feel groggy all day. But I’m a middle-aged woman now, and I can’t go merrily along without sleep any more.My mother called with unpleasant news about her health. The MRI showed that she has not one, not two, but THREE herniated disks in the lumbar region of her spine. That rules out any chance of surgery to ease the pain she’s suffering. And she is suffering terribly. She can’t walk without a cane or walker, and the codeine she had been taking for pain is no longer strong enough. Her doctor referred her to a pain management clinic. She will probably have cortisone injections. I had them in my wrist for carpal tunnel syndrome, and they didn’t help. I hope Mom fares better.The only mildly amusing thing occurred Sunday night. Karl had called me Saturday afternoon, but I didn’t call him back until 10 p.m. Sunday. We had talked for about 10 minutes, when Karl’s Call Waiting Caller ID beeped. “You’ll never believe who this is,” Karl said to me. “It’s Wayne.” I guess great minds think alike. I know Karl was pleased that we both returned his call. I rang off so Karl and Wayne could do their male bonding thing.yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-16 00:59:16 truthseeker
I'm sorry about your Mom - its a curse getting older-seems to lead to aches and pain for all of us. I started getting wrist pain from the computer almost immediately I purchased it so got a gel filled wrist support and like magic that disappeared.Also suffer from chronic back pain so I know about pain.Hard to get sympathy sometimes from some if theres no obvious ailment.Take care.
2001-07-16 10:19:33 Keana2
Saying prayers for you to sleep well and mom to feel relatively painless.
2001-07-18 15:58:20 Nice Cat
Sorry to hear about your mom. ^..^
---End notes---
2001-07-18 21:30:05 More trouble in Charm City
(AP) — State highway officials close all major roadways into Baltimore.Yes, MDD readers, it's another fun day in Charm City. A freight train derails in a downtown tunnel Wednesday and sends hazardous smoke billowing throughout the city. Your own Jane Skye So and 650,000 of her neighbors, used to avoiding drug dealers, hookers, lunatics, robbers, thieves and syphilitics; adept at dodging streets scattered with condoms, hypodermic needles, rats, possums, pigeons, mice, foxes and killer dogs; easily careening on roads populated by no-license, cell-phone-talking, yellow-means-speed-up drivers, now must contend with the possibility of having our lungs burned by airborne hydrochloric acid. The inevitable has happened: The city is now cut off from outsiders. Do not worry about me, friends. Although the nightmare on Calvert Street is less than a mile from the derailment, I've not felt (cough) the effects (wheeze) of the acid cloud (gasp) now serving as the sky (choke). Look for Charm City on the news tonight and tomorrow morning. I'll keep you posted from ground zero.yz69kj@skuz.net
---Notes---
2001-07-18 21:36:54 Debbs
OMG!!!! going to turn on the news now. Hope you can get ahold of some of those face masks. I use them for woodworking ...wish I could get some to you. Be careful.
2001-07-18 22:18:27 Keana2
Lmao. I see you're as always making light of the situation. Are you really that close? How scary. Take care.
2001-07-19 11:53:51 Emerald Dragon
My prayers are with you and all others in your city today that soon this disaster will soon be gone. HUGS
---End notes---
2001-07-19 01:32:29 More unpleasantness
Hydrochloric spill still out of control. I drove home, 7 miles north of the accident, and could see some haze. Morning rush hour downtown will be a nightmare. Get gory details at www.sunspot.net.This was a dramatic part of a troubling day. Tuesday night, seeing that the flea collars weren’t working, I sprayed the cats with flea killer from the grocery. It said it was for cats.Wednesday, as I was getting reading to go to work, I realized I had not seen Tasha all morning. I when in the basement looking for her. She was in a cluttered corner. She was glad to see me, but was very weak and sluggish and was drooling. Figuring she was having a reaction to the flea spray, I took her to the vet. They gave her an oatmeal bath to rid her skin and fur of any insecticide residue. Tasha is staying at the vet overnight for blood tests. I’ll get her home Thursday morning. The other two cats suffered no ill effects.Scene from work: I’m in the ladies’ room and one of co-workers is there, her eyes red-rimmed. I ask if she’s OK, she says, “Yeah, it’s just this story I’m editing that’s getting to me.”At this point, I’m washing my hands, so I have my back to her. She continues about the story in which the man who went hunting and left his 2-year-old in his truck. The boy left the truck, wandered off and was later found in the woods frozen to death. The father was sentenced to 30 days in jail and was to begin his sentence today. When he didn’t surrender, authorities went looking for him. They found the father, dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, in the woods near where his son’s body had been found.A sad story, sure, I said. I finish washing my hands and I turn to the co-worker. She is crying – I mean tears, sobs, heaves, the whole deal. I realize this isn’t about some sad but too-common news story we deal with all the time. But I know better than to ask any questions at this point.So I put my arms around the co-worker and held her and stroked her hair still she composed herself.I’m telling this story for several reasons. One: I cannot see similar scene happening in a men’s room. B: Some people think I’m this bitter, cynical, sarcastic geek bitch. Maybe. But I’m kind and caring and generous. Too bad so few people understand that. 3: Sometimes just letting someone know they’re not alone, even without understanding what caused the distress, is the right thing. This co-worker and I are not close, really just acquaintances, but I couldn’t ignore her pain. I’ve always felt that’s kind of like failing to stop and render aid, which is a crime if you do it in a car.Over the winter, when I was crying at work at lot of the time, people would come into the RISH, see me red-eyed and in tears, and would literally run back out of the RISH. I guess they felt by not asking me to do whatever work they needed from me was enough. They were wrong.vze2stqp@verizon.net
---Notes---
2001-07-19 02:15:51 truthseeker
You are a very caring person - I can tell that so clearly from your writing - also very sensitive both regarding your own feelings and others. Sometimes I wish I had been born with a thick skin but I wasn't so I get hurt very very easily.Glad the cats are OK-Your co worker was lucky indeed to have you there.
2001-07-19 08:44:33 Debbs
Thanks for comment, Skye. I agree that we do seem to have many things in common. I am glad to meet you and am looking forward to getting to know you better. Please stay out of that acid air.
2001-07-19 09:47:06 Keana2
I've always known you were a caring giving person. No surprise to me. ((Hugs))
2001-07-19 10:55:10 Toyota
I could always tell that you were/are caring...and what happened with the co-worker just reinforces that...I would have done the same thing. I'm telling ya...you, AW, Keana2, me, and some others should get together and have a hen party (oh and Pele and Gigi33) I am sure I have left out others..We could invite the men too... and just have a get togehter.. Peace, Yorkshireman, etc... OMG can you even imagine the talking going around that room!
2001-07-19 16:48:52 Nice Cat
In Baltimore huh? Not so far from me. I don't see you that as cynical at all. You've always been very supportive of me, and that's meant a helluva lot more than you could ever know. ^..^
2001-07-20 17:00:44 SherylM
I don't know why I haven't seen your diary until now but I'm glad I found it. My first impression of you, of course, after reading this entry, is that you are a very sensitive, caring person. I just can picture the "geek b!tch" after this entry!
2001-07-20 17:01:42 SherylM
OOPS! That was supposed to say I just can't picture you as a "geek b!tch" after this entry.
2001-07-21 00:07:52 Authentic Woman
Yes, Jane, this happened very close to me in the same state less then a 30 minute drive. What's so sad is that this man did nothing more or less than any of the rest of us have done probably. I can see the logic behind what he did when he let his sleeping child stay sleeping, however, it just turned badly for him. I feel that he couldn't forgive himself or face the judgementalness of people in this state. But, I have NEVER thought of you as a BITCH; no, not ever. We all see the caring, nurturing side of you. I'm glad you were able to be there for that woman. AW
2001-07-22 01:18:13 Asteri
You are a wonderful and caring person, I've always known that. :)
2001-07-24 19:05:47 peacemaker
hey same as said above. I think because you are sensitive you resonded to her from the heart. So nice that you were there for her! ................I remember some silent tears at breakfast with my former assisitant sup when he told me FYI that a kid had been sexually abused by his dad the night before and we had to report it.......... It triggered a reaction that brought back a 30 year old memory of earlier in my career working with kids. This suicidal kid attempted suicide on my watch. He had turned in his dad for the sexual abuse and unwittingly broke up the entire family as a result. I always felt bad for that kid.
---End notes---
2001-07-21 23:20:24 Blue skies and sleep
No more acid sky; the worst of the mess has been cleaned up. Effects for the city linger. Only today were the Orioles able to play; the wreck was almost directly under Camden Yards. An Internet cable was cut, bring down WorldCom’s East Coast backbone. Traffic will be snarled around the repair area for weeks. Mercifully, the only injuries were minor lung irritation suffered by some firefighters. Tasha my cat is home and all better. Just an allergic reaction to commercial flea treatment. The vet gave me Frontline for all three cats. Let’s hope it works; my poor kitties are scratching up a storm. On Thursday, I took a Heartsaver course with seven of my co-workers. It was long and strenuous – giving CPR is hard work. But I’m ready now for emergencies. And finally, I got some sleep. I got home about 10:30 p.m. Friday and went straight to bed. I awoke around 2 a.m., took my meds and went back to bed. slept until 6a.m. Checked e-mail, did other computer stuff and watched TV until 8 a.m., went back to bed. slept until 10 a.m. put some stuff on eBay, called my mother (see below), back to bed at 11 a.m.; slept until 2 p.m. I haven’t eaten all day, but I’m not hungry. Maybe I’ll go to the all-night diner after “Iron Chef” is on. I talked with my mom. She detailed for me exactly how disabled she is. Mom can walk only 15 steps without pain, even with the cane or walker. By 30 steps, the pain in her back is so intense that she must sit down. She has a cane that also converts to a little stool, so she can sit on that if nothing else is available. I'm going to help her get handicapped tags for her car. Mom met with the neurologist, who confirmed that there is nothing that can be done to stop the degeneration. One of those scooters or even a wheelchair is not far behind, I fear, because she seems to have gotten so much worse so quickly. In December, she was walking the woods looking for birds in Hawaii. Even when Wayne and I visited her last month, she was able to walk slowly, but unassisted. Her HMO wanted her to go to a pain management clinic in another fucking state, which is way too far for her to drive in her condition. She's appealed to them to let her go to one in closer. Bastards. Wayne has only Sunday off next week. He swapped days off so he could have a three-day weekend when his sister and her family visit from Alaska next month. He’s going to the ballgame on Monday before work, where he’ll sit in the publisher’s skybox.I told him to remember to put sunblock on any exposed areas.vze2stqp@verizon.net
---Notes---
2001-07-22 01:15:35 Asteri
I'm really sorry to hear that about your mom. Try to be as positive as possible whenever you're close to her. I'm sure seeing you like that, will make her want to stay as strong as she can. I'm praying for her... {{{Hugs}}}
2001-07-22 08:58:23 Emerald Dragon
Good to hear that the have the accident uner control and that the city is beginning to function again. Why do insurance companies always make it difficult for poeple to get teh treatment they need. I hope that pain mamgement will help ease the chore of day to day living for your Mom. I too will lift up pryaer for her. Frontline works great for dogs and cats. Was concerned for your poor kitty too. hate to see my pets sick so I understand. Glad she sufferered no long lasting effects. Hope that your day is great !
2001-07-22 09:31:47 Debbs
Hi Jane, I was reading back a few entries where you said you would be asking your Dr. for sleep medication. I just wanted to let you know that I took 10 mg of Ambien 3 nights a week for 1 year. Just to assure that I did get enough sleep. It will totally knock you out for about 5 hours and you wake up NOT groggy or sleepy. And I came right off of it when I felt I could. Now I just use melatonin when I need it. It was a great drug for me. Just thought I would let you know. I am so sorry about your mom. It is so hard to see someone in pain and not be able to do anything to help. I just cant understand why with all of the miracle drugs of today that people continue to have to endure such agony. I sure hope someone can find a way to help her. You are in my thoughts.
2001-07-22 19:40:13 truthseeker
Thank you Jane for your kind words. I really hope your Mom gets some relief from this pain.Life can be so cruel but we just have to go on best we can.Take care.
2001-07-23 12:43:47 Nice Cat
Sorry to hear about your mother. Hopefully the Nazi HMO bastards will see allow her to go to the nearer clinic. ^..^
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