20:22:14 So much still to learn
My motto: I have seen everything, and I have seen nothing. One of my favorite things about MDD is I get a peek into other's lives, lives that I would never have a chance to know about otherwise. This is extremely important to me as I age. I don't want to be one of those middle-aged people who thinks she has seen it all and therefore as formed the right opinions. And one of the most valuable lessons I have learned in reading other diaries is that things are very seldom clearcut, black or white, up or down, 100 percent right or 100 percent wrong. Life is complicated. I hope I have contributed to the expansion of knowledge of my readers, as well. I hope I have opened the minds of a few people who don't know any atheists, and shown them that one can live a highly moral, deeply righteous life with strong values that are not derived from belief in a supreme being. It was through Debbs' diary that I became acquainted with Daisymarie's diary. There is much vicious discourse in the comments section of Daisymarie's postings. I always welcome spirited debate based on facts and well-thought-out opinions. I relish to chance to see how others view the same words that I view. I value the insight of people who have dealt with similar situations. And I applaud the braveness of people who have survived horrid situations, and are willing to share their stories with others. I am discouraged by people who mistake name-calling for discourse, who sit in judgment, and who do not believe in forgiveness or the unwavering support of someone you love. And I will continue to say as I have said in these pages many times before: People who post anonymously are cowards. Daisymarie's situation evokes strong emotion. I understand that those who have been hurt by actions like the ones that have landed her in jail feel anger, betrayal, confusion, disgust, revulsion. I understand how furious they must be that this woman, who admits to committing sexual battery on a teen-ager, can have a supportive family, loving friends, and fans of her diary. I take that back. I can't understand what seems to me to be a blanket, everlasting condemnation of anyone who commits this heinous act. Witness, one cowardly posting: she can burn in hell with satan!!!! Yeah, that will raise the level of discourse and help people understand complex issues. Let me tackle the issues. 1) Daisymarie is a convicted child molester. No argument there. She has admitted as such, pleaded guilty and is serving her sentence. 2) Such people should be shunned forever by civilized society. That's a tough one. It dismisses the notion of forgiveness, which most organized religions preach. It also runs counter society's allowance for second chances, rehabilitation, in paying one's debt to society and being allowed a fresh start. I cannot blame anyone who chooses to have nothing to do with Daisymarie. One commenter, a woman confident enough in her beliefs to post her diary name rather than cower under the cloak of anonymous posting IDs, asks if anyone would leave their children alone with Daisymarie. A excellent question, and while I don't have children, I think anyone would have to be nuts to allow their children near Daisymarie or anyone else convicted of this crime. This is not to be interpreted that I believe Daisymarie will repeat her crime. I don't. Which is why I have such a problem with the "burn in hell" brigade. 3) Such people should be abandoned by their family and friends. I cannot go along with that. I firmly believe in hating the sin, loving the sinner. Being a friend means not turning your back on her even when she's done something horrible. You can't pick your family, but I hope that making a big, horrible mistake is not grounds for withdrawing the love of a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a child. This does not mean that some people don't deserve to be abandoned by family and friends. If someone you love repeatedly fucks up, despite being forgiven and helped, at some point the only safe thing to do is cut them off. 4) Daisymarie has no right to feel happy, safe, loved, productive. She has no right to have fans of her diary or her writings. She has no right to anything good, ever. Again, such an extreme position is born from emotion, not facts or reality. Anyone who doesn't like the fact that she has a diary here need not read it. Anyone who thinks her fans are misguided, again, don't read what her fans write. But some of her comments seem to want Daisymarie to be locked in a cage with no contact from anyone except her jailers, to have no comfort, no pleasure, no love, for the rest of her life. That won't happen, and the anger of these people will continue to hurt them a lot more than Daisymarie. 5) Daisymarie's supporters are blinded by her articulate writing and high education level. I cannot speak for anyone else. I will say that no matter how well someone writes or speaks, I always can see bullshit for what it is. That fact that I admire someone's ability to string words together does not mean that I ignore everything else, good or bad, about her. 6) If Daisymarie were a man, her supporters would not be as sympathetic toward her. I agree 100 percent. I consider myself a fan and supporter, and I'm not proud of the fact that I view Daisymarie differently than a man in a similar situation. That's how I feel, and I fully accept that it is illogical and sexist. I consider myself to be a hard-core feminist, and I have always believed that with equal rights comes equal responsibility and accountability. I can offer no logical explanation for why I feel this way about Daisymarie. 7) Daisymarie is not contrite and has not accepted full responsibility for her crime. That appears to be correct. She continues to behave like the typical child molester in that she blames the victim a lot more than she blames herslef. I firmly believe that adults have the responsibility to act like adults, not matter how sexually aware, how street-smart, how manipulative, no matter how needy, no matter how damaged the child might be. Sex with a child is ALWAYS wrong. It is NEVER the child's fault. Because the girl involved is a teen-ager, nearly an adult, the lines might be blurred. Too bad. Having sex with a child is wrong, Daisymarie knew it was wrong. She has conveniently left out many details that would help me and other readers understand the situation fully. She has not detailed the nature of the abuse, the situations under which it happened, what exactly happened (are we talking a kiss, fondling, oral sex?) how many times it happened (once for 10 seconds, several times for full-fledged sex, or what?)how long it went on. Daisymarie made this statement early in her diary: I have had one other relationship with a female. In a later posting, she said that "relationship" was with the teen-ager girl she admitted to molesting. This troubles me greatly. Bottom line: I think Daisymarie is a good person with a lot to offer who until recently led a life I would be proud of. But she did something horrible, and hurt many people. She and only she is to blame for that, and she needs to get her head around that concept before she can once again become the person she was, and then a better person. Daisymarie is being punished according to the laws of our society. I can ask no more. When she has paid her debt to society, I wish her success in rebuilding her life, her family and her career. Some people will always shun her, and that is their right. Everyone should keep their children, especially teen-agers, away from her. There are many jobs that she, quite rightly, will not be allowed to hold. I will not join with those who want Daisymarie destroyed, punished horribly for the rest of her life. Our laws don't allow for this; life in prison was not an option afforded to those charged with judging and punishing Daisymarie. I will continue to read her diary, and I will offer her support if she seeks it from me. I welcome, indeed, look forward to debate and disagreement. Understand this: I do not acknowledge anonymous comments or posts that call names or invoke eternal damnation. No exceptions will be made. I stand behind my words. I am not ashamed or embarrassed by anything I've written here. I have nothing to hide. I will NEVER hide conceal my identity when I have something to say. Kasey Jones (aka Jane Skye So)5418 Biddison AveBaltimore Md 21206kasey@byteme.com
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2002-02-19 01:24:43 debbs2
WOW you seem to have really given this some thought. I wish I could be as clear on my thoughts. I too would have a problem DM was a male. I am one of the "nuts" that would leave my child (if I had one) in the unsupervised care of DM. I wish I could understand how I could feel this way. If you have any further thoughts on this I would appreciate your input. You can email them to me if you would prefer. I am so confused by this right now...and am seeking answers for myself. Thanks, my friend. debbsdebbs@hotmail.com
2002-02-19 10:11:28 Asteri
Wow :) You're such a brilliant woman.
2002-02-19 10:47:05 Emerald Dragon
As always I admire your courage and conviction to to say what you feel. I agree 100 percent about if you can say it - you should be proud - after all - it is your own though or opinion.
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2002-02-20 21:31:46 Latest updates
Got note from doctor saying my cholesterol is 270 and I need to start taking medication to lower it. My blood sugar is also very high -- prediabetic. That I can reduce with weight loss and exercise. She hasn't suggested medication yet. I've got to get it under control; both my paternal grandparents died of diabetes complications before they were 55. My mother's two brothers lost sight and limbs to the disease. Sure hope my next potential job doesn't require an extensive physical. Man, middle age sucks! Still have mammogram and Electromyogram (EMG) and Nerve Conduction tests before I see my doc again near end of March. Met with stockbroker on Tuesday. Just need a simple form to rollover my 401(k). Will invest buyout money in cash. 401(k) money will stay in same investments as now until early 2003, when, it is hoped, I will have another job and another 401(k). Met with lawyer today. She said employer cannot require me to waive right to seek worker's compensation. So wrist problem will be taken care of, one way or the other. She also pointed out that I will be allowed to put the max into my 401(k) from the buyout. That will ease my considerable tax burden for 2002. Plans are already under way for big going-away bash. Ann and I have booked a duckpin bowling alley for a Saturday night in April. We will have the place to ourselves (at least 100 of my closest friends) and can bring our own food and bowl as much as we like. Sounds like a raucous good time. I promise to take pictures and post them. kasey@byteme.com
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2002-02-22 15:21:18 Freedoms Wings
I really enjoyed your last two entries. I hope all goes well with the bash. I'm rooting for you.
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2002-02-26 17:11:06 Taking shape and getting real
things are rolling along merrily. got projections about my three pensions. (Don't ask why I have three with one company.) starting at age 55, and ending when i start collecting social security, I will get about $284 a month. woo woo! Monte Carlo, here I come.i'll petition to get the smallest pension, which would pay me $11.88 a month, in a lump sum so i can roll it over into an IRA. i will get to put the max this year into the 401(k). Plus, my beneficient employer will kick in another three percent.i am having NO luck in finding ways to cut my expenses in preparation for paycheck-less times ahead. By paying off my last credit card debt, I will shave $350 a month from my expenses, but I will also have spent nearly a third of the buyout money. I just got notice that my car insurance is going up 12 percent because of a fender-bender I had in late October.The house needs a lot of little things done in the spring -- fix gutter guards, repair short-out lights, trim back holly bush, evergreen and back yard bushes.And I hope to take two road trips, one south to North Carolina and then north to Toronto, and a second one to Milwaukee by way of Pittsburgh and Cleveland. Plus day trips to visit friends in neighboring states. And baseball games, and the theater.I will be selling two of my three desktop computers. I already have a buyer for one. I'll use the computer sale money to buy a treadmill. Gotta start exercising. One way to reduce me and my expenses is to do my own cooking instead of getting carryout, fast food and pizza. With spring coming, I can cook and feast on fresh veggies and fruit. And yes, I'll have to cut back on the daily trip to Starbucks and the daily duo Dove bars.Now, I'm just eager for it to start, which will be in 45 days. ***************************************Wayne and I went to Carraba's for dinner Sunday night. We both stuffed ourselves. We did some work around each other's homes (he's setting up a darkroom) and talked for several hours. Wayne is very glad I'm getting away from prick boy and taking time to heal body and soul.kasey@byteme.com
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2002-02-26 21:20:19 Asteri
I'm sure you'll do great. :)
2002-02-27 13:21:13 Emerald Dragon
so glad to hear that things are movinf sow ell for you. I also agree that it will allow your mind and soul to soar free when you fly the coop on Calvert Street.
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2002-03-03 21:40:10 Weekend fun
yippie, we have rain! i even heard the sump pump, so we must have gotten a good amount. hope this eases the drought a little. motored to the Lyric Opera House to see "tommy" on Saturday. the Lyric has the tiniest, most uncomfortable seats in the area. Luckily, the house was not full, so i moved so i had an empty seat on each side. during intermission, i tormented the orchestra in the pit. the show itself was only kinda good. i hated the second act -- it bore no resemblance to pete townsend's conception. one had no idea why the crowd turned against tommy, and the end was all syrupy and fake sentiment about how family is what's really important. good performances by young tommy (it was the understudy; child labor laws prohibit kids working matinee and evening performance on same day); cousin kevin; and the swing performers who did rev. simpson, pinball lads and the hawker. mediocre performances by tommy and mrs. walker. and i was ready to hurl rotten fruit at the acid queen. i guess once you've seen tina turner's interpretation, nothing else comes close. next up: "the best little whorehouse in texas," with ann-margret and gary sandy. after the show, i dashed to eddie's, got buffalo chicken wraps and ham-potato salad for the party a going-away party for two co-workers, who have been at the Nightmare on Calvert Street for 28 and 24 years respectively, and who took buyouts. ann arrives, curlers still in her hair, and we proceed to get lost in the pouring rain on the east side. ann likes to make illegal u-turns. we finally arrive at the steelworkers hall, ann removes curlers and we carry food and stuff in. the hall is full of former and current sun people, many of whom i've not seen in a year and some for several years. one left the sun 10 years ago, freelanced, went to law school, worked in law for a few years, got burned out, spent a year writting a book, and married and has two children. whew! advice i got from the dearly departed: shower every day get a job at one of the universities; benefits are great, including free tuition take a break; don't dive into job hunting right away don't change careers in your early 40s (this from a 45-year-old who thought i was younger than she) cooking sucks as a career choice (this from my twin, karen warmkessel, who took a buyout several years ago to try her hand at being a chef; after working in several restaurants, she recently got a job doing public relations at a local hospital) there is life after the sun i ate at the party -- jambalaya, brownies, sugared nuts. (not the most balanced meal, but semi-nutritious and very filling). ann and i careened home about 10 p.m. next up: another co-worker's farewell bash. i'm driving this time.*********************************** on friday, i had lunch with bill a sports writer; molly, departed last year as sports editor; and elaine, the sports department secretary. bill bought us lunch at capt. harvey's, where he used to hang out so frequently that the sports editors still have that number listed to call him when they have questions on bill's stories. bill had a stroke while covering a basketball game 18 months ago. he was 46, a year younger than me. this was the first time i had seen him since then, although i had talked with bill on the phone many times since he was stricken. bill has not regained full use of his right side. he can walk and move very slowly. he has lost about 50 pounds, and he was not a heavy man before. his appetite is good but he has trouble using utensils. his mind is sharp, although he has the problem common to stroke patients in which he sometimes speaks too loudly. he also gets emotional very easily, and brushed away tears twice during our two-hour lunch. he writes on a company laptop from home. bill can't drive yet, so he does interviews by phone and gets info via e-mail. he said he long ago ran out of sick leave, but the executive editor has said the sun will do whatever needs to be done to accomodate him and his recovery. that gives me the biggest pause in considering my departure. even with all the sick leave i took in the last year, i never came near running out of accumulated time. but i knew even if i did, i wouldn't have to worry about getting paid. i doubt many other employers will be that generous. anyway, molly is getting teacher certification to teach english as a second language. she described how desperate public education is for K-12: anyone with a bachelor's degree can walk into a public school and be doing substitute teaching the next day. never mind that you've never taken a single education course or never taught in your life. and many school systems will pay you to teach and pay your tuition to get certification. of course, the pay is abysmal. a full-time teacher starting out will make about $10,000 a year. that is a crime. despite this, molly seemed relaxed and happy. she, too, said there is life after the sun.**************************************** my sleep problems continue. what little sleep i get is punctuated with nightmares. thursday night i dreamed i was in a building that was under attack by maruading forces. there was machine gun fire; hand grenades and other assorted violence. i spent the whole dream running around the building trying to escape the attackers. i guess one doesn't have to be sigmund freud to know that this means i feel i'm trapped in a desperate situation and trying, but not finding, a way out. i also got a killer leg cramp; it was so bad it injured my calf muscle and i feel it with every step. i also have been getting severe headaches during the night. that's part of the sleep apnea. on my ever-growing to-do list when i'm on sabbatical, i'm going to go back to the sleep clinic and see if i can't get the CPAP machine working for me. dr. marburg knows one of the experts there, so maybe i'll get better care than i have in the past. on the plus side, my right hand, arm and wrist haven't been hurting nearly as much. Just 39 days to go!kasey@byteme.com
2002-03-04 21:16:05 Elder care
(Much of the information below comes from http://www.spinalstenosis.org.)My mother, who is 76, suffers from lumbar spinal stenosis. It is a common illness of old age; symptoms most commonly appear after age 60. Mom was diagnosed about a year ago; since then she has deteriorated quite rapidly, which is not typical of the condition.Her symptoms include: Symptoms include:Dull to severe aching pain in the lower back or buttocks that develops with walking. Pain radiates into one or both thighs and legs. Symptoms relieved by bending forward, sitting or lying down. My mother has been through all the conservative treatment options: Orthosis and Controlled Physical Activity; Physical Therapy; Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medications, such as ibuprofen, aspirin, acetaminophen and naproxen; and Epidural Injections. all provided only temporary relief.Surgery is clearly indicated for someone with her degree of disability: disabling back and leg pain and significant limitations in walking.The most common surgical procedure for stenosis is a decompressive laminectomy. Often referred to as 'unroofing' the spine, this procedure involves the removal of the lamina as well as the attached ligaments that cause compression of the spinal sac and nerve roots, and the removal of hypertrophic facet capsules and osteophytes, uncinate spurs, and protruding disc material such that the nerves are free from compression.Success rate of the surgery is about 65 percent to 75 percent. This is difficult to measure, because the procedure is performed to improve quality of life, and that is quite subjective.A 1985 study showed a six-week mortality rate of this surgery at .8 percent. Morbidity includes the usual surgical risks, plus the danger of doing further damage to the spine. Risks increase for the elderly.Mom only hears the downside. She has greatly exaggerated the mortality rate in her mind, and at this point is refusing to consider surgery. This also is quite common. There is an average of four years time between when a patient is diagnosed with spinal stenosis and when they undergo surgery. Mom has deteriorated much more quickly than average, however.When my mother gets like this, there is no reasoning with her. Frankly, I can't blame her hesitation. I just wish she would get the facts and HEAR them. She has tried all conservative treatment. She is NOT going to get better without surgery. The longer she waits, the older and more frail she will be, and therefore, more likely to have a poor outcome.She cannot walk more than 30 feet without sitting down to relieve severe back and leg pain. She refuses to let me buy her a wheelchair or one of those scooters, but she needs to borrow one whenever she goes to the theater or airport. She's talking about moving from her house into an apartment at her retirement village, because it's too far to walk to the dining hall.I guess bottom line, this is not my problem. I worry because I live so close to her, and talk with her nearly every day. But she will make her own decisions.kasey@byteme.com
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2002-03-11 09:01:56 Freedoms Wings
It's pretty natural to worry even if it's not your problem.
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2002-03-11 20:16:56 Sorry I haven't written lately
who would have thought that quitting a job would be so time-consuming?it's less than five weeks to the end of my sentence at the Nightmare on Calvert Street. so far, the time has been a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, meetings with lawyers and accountants, going-away parties (i'm the last one to leave in this round of buyouts, but far from the only one), "career transition" workshops, phone tag with human resources and the administrator of my pension plans and 401(k), selling no-longer-needed computers, buying the latest and greatest gear, getting leads on jobs, contacting friends, buying clothes i can wear on job interviews, and arranging for the big going-away-duckpin-Iron-Chef bash.and i still have a household to run, a house that needs spring cleaning and several minor, but annoying, repairs, and a disabled mom to look after.And, oh yeah, I still have a job to do. the users do not care that i'm leaving; most of them are too self-absorbed to notice. wait till they find out the company will not refill my position and there will be NO ONE to provide tech support at night. teehee.On Saturday night, I drove three counties away to a going-away party for a colleague. On Sunday morning, I drove to a neighboring state to have lunch with two long-departed colleagues. One works at the evil paper down the road, and says that there are part-time openings. I shall look into that later -- much later. Right now, I'm run so ragged I can't get a decent night's sleep.this week, it's torture time as i allow doctors at a world-renowned medical institution to stick electrodes into my aching right wrist to test for nerve damage. last week, it was eyeball-fondling time with the eye doctor, and next week, it's a mammogram. i've spent more time at doctors' offices this month than in all of 2001.once again, i've fallen behind on my favs here at MDD. i apologize; once i'm unemployed, i'll get caught up.kasey@byteme.com
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2002-03-11 21:49:16 peacemaker
congratulations on your decision! Hope the transition is an easy one for you! How will it be with W-2 ?
2002-03-11 22:44:17 solo
Geeze I need a rest just reading about all that! Hope it all works out for you.
2002-03-12 14:56:19 Asteri
May be I'm wrong, but I kind of felt you 'happy' while writing this last entry. I think it's good you're busy doing all that stuff. I wish lots of health for your mother and strenght to you. Take a lot of care dear...
2002-03-12 21:39:47 Freedoms Wings
Hi!
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2002-03-17 17:32:35 Best care anywhere
I'm driving around the huge, inner-city campus that is The Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions. More than the world-renowned Johns Hopkins Hospital, more than the near-Ivy League Johns Hopkins University, Hopkins' fingers inflitrate many parts of this decaying city. Hopkins is a blessing and a curse to this metropolis. Once I've found a space in one of dozens of nearly full parking garages, I make my way toward the oupatient clinic. I've been here many times before. I've had major and minor surgery here, and numerous consults. I was also here shuttling my ailing dad to appointments after he had a stroke, and when he was diagnosed with kidney cancer. I always imagined Dad would die here, after being admitted through the ER in cardiac distress. He didn't; he died at his home in his sleep. Despite my familiarity with Hopkins, I don't take it for granted. Every time I walk in, I am taken by a sense of awe, by a sense of entering hallowed halls, almost a holy, reverent place. So much says: This is the big time. This is the show. The best and the brightest, the latest and greatest, the cutting edge and beyond of medical care and research, go on right here. No expense is spared, nothing but the best, the highest quality, the most talented, hardworking, and yes, egotistical physicians parade through these halls. The best care anywhere. Yes, people die here. No matter what, people will always die. Yes, sometimes people leave here in worse shape than they came in. That will always happen, and often, that is the price of research. And, sometimes, Hopkins stumbles. Malpractice is committed. This medical mecca is far from perfect. The outpatient lobby has the look of a hotel lobby. A sign points to guest services. Not patient services; guest services. Arrangements can be made at guest services for hotel rooms, rental cars. I see two limosines parked just outside. I see people wearing expensive clothes, expensive jewelry. Another sign in a dozen languages advises how to get someone who speaks your language. I hear Spanish, French, Italian, Arabic, and Indian dialects spoken. I see people in their native garb. I hear a dozen variations of English accents. I hear the crisp, exact speech patterns of the upper class, the wealthy, the educated. The seriously ill come from all over the world to get treated at Hopkins. People travel thousands of miles and pay untold amounts of money for the privelege of getting treatment, of getting cured, getting a miracle. It is Lourdes. It's in my backyard. I get treated here for the price of my HMO premiums. This middle-class woman with the aching wrist gets the best. I am one lucky patient.************************** Having a world-class medical institution is something every city wants. And believe me, the benefits are tremendous. But a price is exacted, as well. Hopkins bought up hundreds of rowhouses around the hospital, wanting to have land to expand. There has been much expansion and new construction, but far less than Hopkins bought the properties for. So the houses sit, boarded up, attracting vagrants, drug addicts and other miscreants. It is a terrible irony that this top-notch institution is in one of the worst areas of the city. This is Hopkins' own doing. And while I am thrilled to get treatment at Hopkins, it's not all pleasant being treated at a research-teaching hospital. Nothing is done alone. Your doctor is usually accompanied by at least one intern or resident. You'll be asked several times if you want to take part in any number of studies going on dealing with your health issue. If you're an inpatient, you will be visited, questioned and examined several times at day by armies of residents, interns and students, trailing after a senior attending who holds court in your hospital room. It is very easy to feel like a lab rat under these conditions.************************* For all the glitz, the spare-no-expense lobby art, the influx of well-heeled patients, this is still a medical facility. And because of its reputation, the sickest of the sick are here. My appointment is in neurology. I will have a series of nerve conduction tests on my right wrist. Carpal tunnel syndrome is suspected; truly no big deal. In the waiting area are people in various stages of neurological distress. One patient is tilted at a nearly 90-degree angle at the waist, in his wheelchair, while his family member chatters inanely. People unable to move their legs, arms, or mouths, sit morosely. Another, who I later overhear has traveled from four hours away and has recently been diagnosed with ALS, sits, still seemingly in shock over what awaits him. It's the children, however, who are heartbreaking. Imagine being a parent, having watched in terror as your child develops some neurological condition that your local pediatrician cannot deal with. Now you're miles away from home, your last best hope, wishing for a miracle for your kid. Talk about hell on Earth. A multi-pierced, gay-as-an-Easter-bonnet technician calls me and leads me through the labrynith of exam rooms. A woman in traditional Hindu garb passes, carrying her daughter, who looks just like a little doll. Over the next hour, I get electroconductors attached to my wrist, and pins stuck in me, and endure shocks of varying degrees. First the technician does the tests, then the resident does further tests. They talk easily to me. I suspect it must be a relief to have a non-seriously ill patient sometimes. I wonder how a doctor tells a parent that her child has muscular dystrophy. Or tells a 40-something baseball fan that, tragically, he has something in common with Lou Gehrig. I leave, diagnosis of arthritis tucked away in my pocket. I am grateful for so much. kasey@byteme.com
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2002-03-18 19:02:46 peacemaker
girl you are a good patient! ..I came across a young black journalism student at mdd and gave her the web address of the group you have mentioned.. How is W2?
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2002-03-18 21:10:55 Am I there yet?
The final four weeks are here. One month from today, I will wake up and not have to go to the Nightmare on Calvert Street for the first time in 17 years. Tuesday at 5 p.m. is the deadline for me to rescind my request for the buyout. I won't, and it is full speed ahead. One more screening -- a mammogram -- and I'll be done with all medical tests. Of course, then I'll have to learn how to live with arthritis, and start taking cholesterol-lowering medication. I spent the weekend delivering and installing my two surplus desktop computers. I have more space in my house, and $875 in my pocket. I figure one desktop and one laptop are plenty, even for geek girl. Peace, you asked how things would change between Wayne and me after I quit. While we won't talk every day like we do at work, I expect we'll still be close. I hope to keep up on company gossip for a while, and we'll still hang out. I asked Wayne more than 18 months ago, when he was threatening to quit, if we would still be friends even if we didn't have work in common. "We barely have work in common now," he said, meaning our conversations and friendship are based on much more than a common job. I think we have the potential for a more relaxed friendship. I won't have to be comforted, consoled and supported, like I was under prick boy's thumb. Everything won't be in crisis mode. But I'm working very hard at not thinking too far ahead, trying not to have every step of my life planned. This is an adventure, and the fun (and scary) part is not knowing what awaits me. I'm walking a tightrope without a net. It's more important to look ahead, not down.kasey@byteme.com
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2002-03-18 21:35:34 Asteri
Enjoy this last month. :)
---End notes---
2002-03-21 21:40:42 Update update
my head is spinning, there is so much going on. Just 22 more days. I'll need at least the next seven to sleep. I am in danger of working myself into exhaustion just before I quit working. how ironic.as i wrote in the hopkins entry, apparently i have arthritis, not carpal tunnel syndrome. I still need treatment and accomodation; it's just that I can no longer blame my beneficient employer for maiming me. I hope to meet with my primary care provider next month to scope out treatment options. Right now I just want some heavy-duty pain relievers. Advil is no longer having much effect.I had mammograms on Wednesday. It took 90 minutes because I, ahem, have so much real estate to cover. The radiologist talked with me after and said while she sees no sign of cancer, she wants me to resume the twice-yearly mammogram schedule instead of annually. She wants to continue to carefully watch the calcifications in my right breast. This happens every time a new radiologist looks at my films.Received an invitation to a reunion of my high school class and others on june 8. my high school no longer exists, but the elementary school does, as does the church. Father K, the priest who taught my chemistry class and who might have performed my marriage ceremony to the rat bastard (no, i don't remember much of that day; it was 30 years ago, fer crissakes!) will offer the mass prior to the reunion. I'll probably go, if only to proof that I can withstand the stares that will come went people realize that this 300 woman was once the co-captain of the cheerleaders and considered to be one of the prettiest girls in school.Gonna devote my efforts to decluttering the lovely abode. will sell some cables, software and my APS camera equipment on eBay. have bought a digital camera and a film camera. will clean off patio and move comfy chair there so I can lounge and enjoy the view in the spring/summer/fall. relaxation will replace workworkwork as my lifestyle keyword. kasey@byteme.com
2002-03-22 20:13:23 Strange thing, mystifying
I wrote in the previous entry about receiving a formal invitation to a reunion at my high school. It's been 32 years since I graduated from St. Anthony of Padua High School, a desperately poor Catholic institution in the 'hood in Washington, D.C. Its faculty was staffed with Benedictine nuns and priests.When I attended, the school had the distinction of being the only co-educational Catholic high school in the city. I attended high school with boys. I will remain forever grateful for that.St. Anthony was a basketball powerhouse when I attended. John Thompson, who later went on to create a college basketball dynasty at Georgetown University, coached there for free.Otherwise, little St. Anthony was an ordinary school, struggling amid rapid, often violent social changes in that marked the 1960s.In the early 1990s, St. Anthony became an all-girls school and its name was changed to All Saints High School. Five years later, the archdiocese of Washington closed the high school. The elementary school remains.My brother and I attended St. Anthony from first grade through high school. I have some happy, and many painful memories of those 12 years. I have blocked many memories out.So I didn't think much about St. Anthony for years. Yesterday, I get an invitation to a reunion.So it is a horrible coincidence that my mother phones me this morning so say my poor little high school is mentioned in a front-page story in Friday's Washington Post.One Monsignor Dillard, pastor of the oldest black Catholic parish in The District, was suspended from his post after two women, who are siblings and are now in their 30s, said Dillard engaged in sexual misconduct with two teen-age girls more than 20 years ago.From 1979 to 1984, the women allege, Dillard had inappropriate, physical relationships with the girls, starting when the oldest was 14.The incidents occurred when Dillard was a priest at St. Anthony.You can read the gory details at www.washingtonpost.com.kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-03-26 20:28:21 Freedoms Wings
Wow! That really sucks.
---End notes---
2002-03-26 22:08:51 Another list
courtesy of sheseemssweet1. Name three good things about yourself...a) i'm smartb) i'm funnyc) i'm kind2. Name three bad things about yourself...a) i'm a know-it-allb) i'm sarcasticc) i give too freely to unworthy people3. Name three things you can do, or have done, that most people can't...a) went to college full time while working full timeb) communicate with computersc) gone without sex for 20 years4. Name three emotions you feel most often...a) sadnessb) disappointmentc) despair5. Name three people that have helped you to become a better person...a) my fatherb) my motherc) Rosa Parks6. Name three people (or groups, things, etc.) that you feel are worthy of praise and honor...a) Passengers on UAL Flight 93b) firefightersc) schoolteachers7. Name three works of art (books, songs, movies, etc.) that have changed you...a) "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poeb) Book of Revelationsc) "Othello"8. Name three things you would buy if you won the lottery...(I'm assuming this means a jackpot of at least $1 million. I won $40 in the lottery last week, and I bought myself and a friend dinner at a nice restaurant)a) beachfront property on Oahub) build custom house on beachfront property in Oahuc) bi-monthly first-class air tickets to mainland9. Name three places you would like to go on vacation...a) Copenhaganb) Tahitic) New York City10. Name three jobs or careers you would like to have (assuming money, education, family, etc. were not an obstacle)...a) Forensic pathologist b) Computer crime federal agentc) Broadway singer/dancer11. Name three famous people, past or present, that interest you...a) Harriet Tubmanb) Sojourner Truthc) Eva Peron12. Name three things you would say to someone seeking your advice...a) Get as much formal education as you can.b) Learn the difference between a career and a job.c) Have fun.13. Name three headlines you will never see in the newspaper.a) U.S. executes wealthy white manb) Lasting peace achieved in Middle Eastc) Tax code simplifed to one page14. Name three causes to which you might devote your life...a) getting laidb) finding lovec) getting laid15. Name three things you believe with all your heart.a) No man will ever move me as I want to be loved.b) There is no supreme being.c) Existence and events are mostly random, i.e., there is no "meaning" of life.kasey@byteme.com
2002-04-01 21:59:26 Less than two weeks left
I will go to the office and work just seven more times. I have been swamped with stuff. Tuesday and Wednesday, I must spend all day at a career transition workshop. I've sent electronic invitations to more than 200 people to my going away party. RSVPs are dribbling in. I've been doing furious spring cleaning; i have four bags full of stuff to go to Goodwill.Wayne came over today to help move furniture. I turned my former second office into a reading room. I moved all computer stuff into my main office, which I can close the door to and cut off all view of work. I cleared off much of the patio; still have to have the maid service vacuum the floor and clean the windows. Put three birdfeeders just outside so the cats and I can see fine feathered friends.still have to buy treadmill and electric barbecue grill.Did my taxes; got estimates of how much I'll have to pay for 2002, given the buyout payoff. It won't be pretty; it'll take about 20 weeks pay. bummer. Got e-mail from Yale. They did not get my transcript from one college. I sent an e-mail copy, with hard copy to arrive the middle of next week. I hope that will do. I had pretty much written the Yale fellowship off. Now it seems I'm still in the running for the law school fellowship.been working on farewell speech for office. Am trying to strike right tone between Halle Berry's Oscar speech, and my saying "kiss my black ass!"i'll need my first two weeks off just to sleep. i can't believe how much i've done, and still has to be done.
---Notes---
2002-04-01 22:16:37 Tyche
Wow. You have really got it together! I'm so inspired by you! Yay on only seven more days!!
2002-04-02 05:54:40 peacemaker
I'm impressed! Keep up the good work and maintain that positive attitude. You are carefully laying out the blueprint for success. Way to go!!!
2002-04-02 07:28:14 debbs2
Hey there!!! You really have had a busy schedule huh? That 2 weeks of sleep sounds like it will be much earned. I hope you will make a copy of your speech one of your entries.
---End notes---
2002-04-05 01:23:42 Nonstop
Where does the time go, and why is is going so slowly? I can't wait for my last day at work; I can't wait to get on with my new life. It's a week from today, but it seems months away. Yet, I've been pressed for time. So much to do. I spent two full working days at the career transition workshop with 6 1/2 other former and soon-to-be-former co-workers (one guy attended the first day, but not the second). I learned to disregard requests in want ads, such as no calls. I must follow up with a phone call on every resume I send out. I was grateful for the resume rewriting and tips on cover letters. And I guess I needed a kick in the butt to get out and start beating the bushes for a new job. The seminar made it sound like I have to corner everyone I know, and everyone they know, in my quest for a job. This is called networking; sounds more like harassment. Still, I'm going give it a whirl, though not as intensely as the seminar recommends (it suggests at least two 30-minute "networking" meetings a week). I'm going to attend three national minority journalist conventions (two are in San Diego, a city I've longed to visit) and a regional meeting next month. Gotta get my name out there again. But I also need to remember that I need to rest for a while. As eager as I am to plunge into the job hunt, I must chill, get some sleep, get back to exercising, cooking and eating right, reading and visiting friends. I've been getting the house in order. My home office is the neatest and most organized it's ever been. I have a new, cozy reading area in the living area. I must tackle the patio next; gotta get snow melt, lawn and garden implements, and my burgeoning collection of briefcases and purses off the patio and in the basement or Goodwill where they belong. But I'm far from done. I have stuff to photograph, list, sell and ship on eBay; I have to hook up my DVD player; I have to hire someone to beat my yard into shape; I have a party to plan, and another to attend; I have to start hauling my stuff from the office and back home. The AME gave me permission to take my specially ordered chair. I PROMISE to get caught up on everybody's diary once my sabbatical begins. I apologize for neglecting you for so long, but this has been a hectic time. kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-04-05 08:54:04 debbs2
Dont you even THINK about neglecting anybody here...You have MORE than enough to do to take care of yourself, and it sounds like you are doing a good job of that. This is such an exciting time for you. I cant imagine thinking that I had a whole new career waiting for me out there. Your energy sounds awesome. Have fun.
2002-04-05 10:01:44 Tyche
I'm amazed you update as much as you do, with everything going on. Though I admit I'm selfish, I love hearing about everything!! I think when the right job comes along, everything will fall into place. You will meet the people you need to meet, and it will be at the right time. It sounds like you're doing all the right things.
2002-04-05 17:48:51 Freedoms Wings
Girlfriend take your time. You are a busy woman. We'll still be here.
2002-04-05 23:18:10 peacemaker
hey we are going through parrallel shifts in career. You had some say about yours though. I am in the same process.
---End notes---
2002-04-09 19:39:11 Going, going ...
Just three more working days. I'm hauling personal stuff home (peace, my stuff will take less than 5 boxes), saying goodbye to people outside of the newsroom, and procrastinating doing laundry and other housework.I cannot sleep. Daylight savings time, and increasing, earlier sunlight, always wreaks havoc with my biorhythms. So I write cover letters and send out resumes in the middle of the night.My first job interview is set for next week. It's a place I had not thought of before, but the job sounds exciting and perfect for me. Gotta take a two-hour test for general knowledge and writing style. I'm glad for the chance to get back into the interviewing mode; it's been so long since I've had to look for work. I hope I can maintain the proper upbeat, positive attitude; I hope wearing pantyhose won't make me cranky and forgetful.I know that some (Wayne and my shrink, specifically) don't want me to start job hunting so soon. But so much of getting a job is simply one's resume landing on the recruiter's desk at the exact time that an opening occurs, and that is what happened. Sent my resume via e-mail to the corporate HQ late Sunday, and first thing Tuesday, the local office is calling me, wanting me to come in ASAP. I put them off for a week (I'm way too distracted these last few days at Calvert Street to do well on a test, plus i need time to become re-acquainted with formal newspaper style quirks) but they do seem hot for me.Wednesday is Wayne's birthday. If I can drag my lazy, sleep-deprived ass out of bed in time, I'll stop at the bakery before work and get him a cake. After Saturday, he's on vacation for two and a half weeks; he will be out of town for most of that time.Wayne wants us to do a museum visit on Sunday. Sounds nice; there are a few exhibits around that I've been intending to see. With myself newly liberated, I must start doing all the things I didn't have time for while I was working.In other news, my brother and his live-in girlfriend of four years announced their engagement. They'll get married in the fall; no date or place have been decided yet.Stay tuned. The next time I post, it will be as a woman free of job shackles.kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-04-09 20:34:08 Asteri
I'm glad you sound so happy about all this. :)
2002-04-09 22:00:38 peacemaker
It is a strange phenomenon I get unemployment as well as my severance so I can actually make money while looking for work. Bizarre! I missed a job by days. I found out about it on Sunday night but it had been just offered.
2002-04-10 12:36:24 Fyresetter
i wish you well in your "down time" you dont seem like the type to be lazy, i see much action in your writing. i hope to get more time for myself in the near future, but i will keep reading you, take care
---End notes---
2002-04-12 23:21:06 I'm getting all verklempt ...
I went to Calvert Street today for the last time as an employee. I signed papers, then went to my cubicle to purge incriminating documents from my computer. A huge basket of flowers from the executive editor and managing editor was on my desk.I accepted farewells from several co-workers as I ran purge after purge on my office PC. At 5 p.m., a gathering was held at the far end of the newsroom for another departing staffer, Gary, who is not taking the buyout but going to a publication in New England. The editors said kind things about Gary, and he was presented with gag gifts and cake. A formal farewell party will be given by Gary's closest friend on Saturday. I did some more purging, talked with some more people. Kirk bought me dinner from the Jamaican restaurant down the street. I accepted farewell calls, e-mails and in person.At 6 p.m., a gathering was held just outside of my work area for me. I learned later that an assistant managing editor decided that even though prick boy is my supervisor, he was "not the appropriate person" to organize and conduct a farewell ceremony. The task fell to my former supervisor on the copy desk, John M. and his staff, most of whom I had worked with before.John spoke for a minute, describing how I had worked in every department in the newsroom. He then turned it over to Wayne, who spoke very eloquently, kindly and humorously for five minutes about all I had done for the newsroom and its people. Wayne tossed to Gina, who spoke briefly, but also very kindly. She called me a "closet softie."I was deeply touched, and near tears. Wayne presented me with a gift from everyone, a lab coat with a list of all the computer programs I've worked on printed on the back. I spoke about how working on a newspaper was something I had wanted to do since I was eight years old, and how it was a job that was vital to the preservation of democracy and protection of the disenfranchised. I talked about how I had so much fun, and how delighted I was to have worked with so many smart, talented people.There was heartfelt applause, and then we had cake. I accepted still more farewells and kind words.Gina said this was only a "taste" of what was to come at the big farewell bash on April 20. My goodness. I'm already overwhelmed.I left at 7:30 p.m. to a newsroom tradition: One person rings a cowbell (yes, a cowbell) that is kept for the occasion, and people would beat their rulers on their desks as the departing person strode from the floor. We don't use rulers any more; pages are drawn on computers, not by hand. So as the cow bell rang, people stood up, clapped and whooped and I left the newsroom as an employee, for the last time.And now life really begins.kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-04-13 17:24:01 debbs2
(((((((Kasey))))))) Congratulations !!!! I am covered with goosebumps...
2002-04-15 04:40:22 Solo
Wow you really got in the swing for me hehehe. A nekkid dance was more than I could have asked for *HG* It's so weird to read you are ending a chapter in your life as I begin one in mine but I hope your new start elsewhere, and mine, will bring good things for both of us :)
2002-04-15 08:21:24 peacemaker
Congratulations! You deserved it and I was so glad that you got to hear some accolades on your way out the door. Your future awaits! I liked the lab coat!
---End notes---
2002-04-15 17:42:52 It's my 300th entry
I slept most of Saturday. On Sunday, Wayne and I went to a museum, wandered around for a few hours, had dinner, and chilled at his place for an hour. Wayne is leaving Tuesday or Wednesday for his two-week road trip to upstate New York to visit the 'rents, Cleveland to see the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and Louisville for a convention.Today, I'm starting to feel different. The weekend felt like a regular one. But today, I'm home, after spending the afternoon running errands. Tonight, I'll cook dinner (teriayki burgers), study up on formal news style and watch TV. No stress.Got three phone calls and two e-mails from former co-workers wishing me well. gonna miss those people. i hope they remember who i am six months from now.I am starting to have news withdrawal. I signed up for a few online services that will give me some access. but nothing for the consumer comes close to the breadth of info available to working journalists.On Tuesday, more errands, maybe buy a barbecue grill. I'm aiming for getting up before noon every day; hope to move that up to 10 a.m. I refuse to waste my hard-earned sabbatical schlumping around in my jammies all day and night.I have a test/interview on Wednesday, then weekly therapy appointment. On Thursday, the car goes into the shop; will spend car-less time doing laundry and continuing house de-cluttering.My farewell bash is on Saturday. it is nearly impossible to pin down most people on whether they're going to attend. my best guess so far is about 50. will have those single-use cameras on each table, so i will post lots o' pix after.kasey@byteme.com
2002-04-17 16:33:06
Was eager to get to the first job interview, if just to say I'm past it.Actually, things went very well. The test was much easier than I had feared; I breezed through it. I talked with the person who will do the hiring and would be my boss, for about 20 minutes. We got along fabulously; we have mutual colleagues and both belong to NABJ. She said she hoped to make a decision by the end of the month.Wayne and my therapist don't want me to get a job so soon. We'll see what happens. Even if I get offered this job, it doesn't mean I have to take it.Speaking of Wayne, his pharmacy would not let him refill his Prozac scrip for another week, and he's going out of town for two weeks, starting today. So he called and I went to his place with a dozen of my own Prozac. Wayne only takes half the dose I take, so I can spare some. I helped him haul stuff to his car, and we sat around talking until 10 p.m.*******************************************************a really dumb question for those you who have had shoulder length or longer hair for some part of your lives.HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR HEAD FROM BURSTING INTO FLAMES IN HOT WEATHER?!?!?!?!?for the first time in my life, my hair, my dreads, touch my shoulders. i wrote an afro for more than 30 years, so my hair went up and out, never down. it would sometimes touch my ears, but usually i'd have that hair cut away, cuz i have cute ears and love to wear earrings.my hair just skims my shoulders, but it is VERY thick. i am being driven nuts with it covering my ears and the back of my neck. it's hot, it's sticky. it's too thick and not quite long enough to pull back into a pony tail. do i just spend the summer with it piled atop my head?kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-04-17 16:40:42 Rindy
Good luck on the job interview. Can't imagine dreds. Mine is blond and stringy. Hey, check out my diary. I just had a really fun experience and get frustrated when it feels like no one is reading about it. Thanks
2002-04-18 11:07:30 Tyche
I always wear a pony tail now. For those times when my hair wasn't quite long enough, I would take a large barrette, kind of flip it up, and pin it in place. Sometimes it looks a bit goofy, but hey, it's cooler.
---End notes---
2002-04-19 18:19:29 Callback
The local chief of the organization I tested for on Wednesday called today. I'm to go back on Monday at 9 a.m. (gack!) and meet with two more honchos who will be in town for some workshops.I'm amazed that things are moving this fast. There are still many hurdles to clear, but it seems apparent that this organization wants me. The question is: Do I want them? More specifically, do I want this particular job at this particular location at this particular time? It would be SOOOOOOOOOOO easy to take this job. I could be back to work quickly (some of us are not suited to a life of leisure), and have my entire buyout just sitting as savings. I could be well on my way to a new life without skipping a beat. I wouldn't have to move; the commute would be the same time and distance; the hours would be later, but tolerable; I certainly would not be bored; and I'd be doing stuff that I enjoy.If they are pursuing me this eagerly, I'm hoping it means that they are willing to at least match the salary that I made on Calvert Street. Yes, they know how much I made there.But Galen, my therapist, thinks it is vital for me to a) take several months off; and b) hold out for a dream job. I have applied to one organization that has my dream job, and have not heard back from them. Another dream job group is not hiring because of the recession.Well, the weekend is here, not that it makes any difference to this unemployed person. My big farewell party is tomorrow. Stay tuned.kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-04-20 08:42:01 debbs2
Hey Casey, could you take the job if offered and then take a better one if it comes along? or is it a signed contract kind of thing. Have a good weekend my friend.
2002-04-20 08:42:44 debbs2
OOPSs spelled Kasey wrong above. Sorry.
2002-04-20 18:00:35 peacemaker
I have the same feelings. I haven't aggressively persued work yet. I have the surgery to use as a rationale. You are in a win, win. Could you take the job and negeotiate the start date? Take a month off and the reason is you haven't had a vacation and probably wouldn't this year. or start now and negeotiate a month off later?
---End notes---
2002-04-21 00:46:34 A fond farewell
It was quite a festive event at the duckpin bowling alley Saturday night. About 50 showed up to bowl, eat and wish me farewell from the nightmare on Calvert Street.My mom was there. She said she was gladdened by the obvious affection my former co-workers had for me. And everyone was extremely generous with gifts. I got several coupons for free coffee at Starbucks; gift certificates from Barbeques Galore and CompUSA; a necklace; a garden gnome and other personal, funny knickknacks.The funniest, most touching was the mock front page (another newsroom tradition) featuring a four-column color photo of me in the pool at Curacao. The page had stories about me and my Top 10 sayings; remembrances of kindnesses by co-workers. It was matted and framed. I, again, was moved to tears. Pictures TK. Kirk brought his digital camera and got a lot of good shots; i just hope he remembers to e-mail them to me.kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-04-21 04:34:32 debbs2
awwwww, I know they will really miss you around there. Hey are you going to post your pics somewhere?
2002-04-21 16:31:19 peacemaker
I'm glad you got to have a moment in the spotlight, and have your mom there with you too. You deserved it.
---End notes---
2002-04-23 01:59:14 So far, so good
Will take the few pix I took at party to be developed on Tuesday. Kirk still hasn't forwarded his digital photos to me.Went to Barbeques Galore and got biggest, most expensive electric grill in the store, thanks to the boundless generosity of my former co-workers. Now I'm in the midst of clearing off the patio (where did all this crap come from? have the cats been ordering stuff from Amazon.com?) so I can start cooking and eating out there while I still have some free time.Yes, the followup job interviews went very well. The honcho from the main office in New York said it would be great to have someone with my experience in this relatively young and inexperienced local office. And the local chief said "we are VERY interested." My talks with other staff really got me psyched. I'd be doing a variety of tasks -- editing, writing, arranging graphics and photos, working with member publications and broadcast outlets in this and a neighboring state, and coordinating between the New York and D.C. offices. I'd have a lot of autonomy and would be responsible for all news decisions on the 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. shift. I'd have weekends off, and four weeks of vacation after the first year. Sick leave, health and welfare benefits, paid holidays are roughly comparable to what I had before.The organization is in an office building about six blocks from the Calvert Street plant, in the heart of downtown. There is a heated parking garage, and a health club on the ground floor.The local chief admitted that they would not be able to pay me as much as I earned on Calvert Street. I had already checked the organization's union contract, so I know about how much I'd be paid. With the buyout, I can afford to take a 15 percent cut. I ain't crazy about it, but everything else sounds to so exciting that I think it would be worth getting paid less.So I'll wait for an offer. The local chief said she would call me no later than May 1. In the meantime, I'm still answering ads and sending out resumes. As good as things look, stuff could still go wrong, and I don't want to lose the momentum.Think positive thoughts for me!kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-04-24 02:14:18 peacemaker
congrats, a home run on your first at bat!
2002-04-28 20:32:01 debbs2
Am thinking positive thoughts for you.
---End notes---
2002-05-03 21:51:20 Woman of leisure
Whoa, it's been a while since I posted. Getting freedom has its disadvantages. It's been three full weeks since I left my job. I'm enjoying not having a routine, and I'm really enjoying not having to face prick boy ever again. I've been sleeping well for the first time in a decade. I'm rested and relaxed. While I was working, it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed at 1:30 p.m., just 90 minutes before I had to be at work. This was the case no matter how early I went to bed or how long I stayed in bed. Now, I'm awake and eager by 11 a.m. I shower, get dressed, and see what I feel like doing. I take short walks (and injured my left ankle and foot walking on uneven pavement), read, watch TV, go to movies, sit at a table at Starbucks, listen to music, admire the view from my patio (Wayne and I put up bird feeders and I've had many feathered visitors). I'm on the computer a lot, answering ads and sending out resumes. The company that I had two interviews with claims they intend to make me a job offer, but are waiting for approval from New York on how much salary to offer. It's been several days since the local chief told me this, and I'm starting to wonder if New York feels I'm overqualified and won't agree to hiring me. So even though I thought this job was in the bag, (and I still hope I get it) I'm continuing a full-scale job search. I've booked trips to minority journalist conventions in Milwaukee and San Diego, and I'll be taking a two-day course in computer-assisted reporting later this month. I haunt the online newspaper sites, looking for job leads. All in all, it's a nice break from the daily grind of the last 30 years. The job hunt is something of a grind, since I send resumes out for jobs that I think I'm perfect for, and never hear a peep from the companies. I keep reminding myself that the economy is still down, and that I knew it would take a long time to find another gig. I have been doing some computer training for former co-workers, and I've been charging for it. Not as much as rent-a-geek, which charges $100 for the first hour and $75 for each additional hour of a house call. I even sent my resume to them, and I haven't heard back. Got my finances in order: paid off the last credit card and closed the account; rolled over my 401(k) into an IRA with my broker; and have a budget. I'm covered financially through end of 2002. So I try to relax and enjoy my life of leisure.kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-05-05 16:16:34 debbs2
Good to see you are taking full advantage of your time off. Have fun girl....you deserve a break today!!! :)
2002-05-06 01:00:41 SheSeemsSweet
Sleeping, in my opinion, is very important. Our sleep patterns determine our mood, and as a result how we will act during the day. I sound like a psychologist or something. I am very sleep deprived. My roommie is a night owl, and I'm not but I'm forced to stay up anyway since I can't sleep with lights or noise. I hope your ankle is getting better. Any type of doctor's appointments are expensive, so it is always important to stay in shape nevertheless. Sometimes being overqualified is a curse, sad to say. I am sending out resumes too. It seems like no one is hiring, I think it is a mix of the economy and there isn't really a need for journalists in my area. Well they all want someone with experience, which is the one thing I am trying to get.
---End notes---
2002-05-06 13:42:21 happynekkidigotthejob dance!
Yes, I was offered and have accepted a job with an international news service, which I shall refer to as QQ. Look at any daily newspaper in North and South America, you'll see stories and photos from this news service every day. It's been around for 150 years, has won 47 Pulitzer Prizes, and I am honored and humbled that I will be working for them.My title will be night desk supervisor of the Baltimore office. I will work days for a month to become familiar with the operation, then to a 5 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. shift, Mondays through Fridays. I will be responsible for all news decisions involving Maryland and Delaware on that shift, and I'll be editing, writing, dealing with staff and stringers, members and the New York and D.C. office.I'm taking about a 10 percent cut in take-home pay, mostly because I will have to pay $165 a month for parking, while I paid only $13 a week at Calvert Street. Not a problem, because I have all the buyout money sitting in savings, and I have no debts except for my mortgage.Health and welfare benefits, vacation, pension and 401(k) contributions are roughly the same as Calvert Street. And I'll be back in a union.I start on May 20, so that means I'll only have had five weeks off. Wayne wanted me to take more time, but I think this job is a great opportunity and I'm eager to get on with my new life.Woo woo!kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-05-06 13:53:45 SheSeemsSweet
Congrats on the new job! 5pm-1:30am. Everyone always says journalists work weird hours. They weren't kidding.
2002-05-06 14:02:20 princess of antar
congrats on the new job. I wish I could get a new one too!
2002-05-06 21:49:34 Tyche
Congratulations!!! How wonderful!!
2002-05-08 13:07:46 Fyresetter
i think this is just wonderful for you
2002-05-12 19:51:50 debbs2
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! I KNEW you would get a great job!!!. I am so happy for you. Now go and enjoy your time off...it should be especially restful now that you don't have to worry about any more job hunting. ((((((((hugs)))))))))
2002-05-13 21:25:24 Freedoms Wings
*doingthenekkiddancewithyou* Go Casey!!!!
2002-05-20 12:54:04 peacemaker
you really made out well! I hope I can do half as well.
---End notes---
2002-05-27 22:03:55 So sorry it's been so long
Hoo boy, have I been a bad girl! It's been weeks since I posted here. I am so sorry I've neglected you guys. Things have been moving very fast, and it's all good.I worked my first week at QQ news service. I am struck by how young most of the staff is -- in their mid and late 20s. They are also new to the bureau and the area; most started here just this year. So I am the wise one. The young people here have already remarked their amazement at how much I know, and seem pleased that I'm here. I'm picking up the minutia, like the phones and the writing style. The computers are quite barebones compared to the high-powered ones on Calvert Street, but if all one is working on is text, one doesn't need so much.I did a lot of reporting my first week, and some rewriting and editing. I shall learn about broadcasting this week on the day shift, then train on nights for two weeks. I'll be flying solo as night supervisor by mid-June.So far so good. Everyone seems to like me and eager to learn from me. I'm picking up stuff as quickly as my middle-aged brain allows, and I think' I'm going to be good at this job.I've slept well for the last few weeks -- no nightmares, little insomnia. Next week, I hope to start swimming before work. I'll be 50 in two and a half weeks, and I feel that I've started a new life!kasey@byteme.com
---Notes---
2002-05-28 06:35:22 peacemaker
Swimming before work? Jane you sound like a new woman! You have made a great decision and have things going your way. You deserve it for sticking your neck out. Like the turtle, it is the only way we can move forward. Congratulations again. Swimming could innoculate against and counterbalance stress which will be inevitable. Great to be the sage!
2002-05-28 13:11:18 Fyresetter
happy to see this happy entry. and also...welcome to the club, the 50 club. it's a great age to be...
2002-05-31 17:26:24 Wanderlust
I haven't been around in about 2 months, so I have some catching up to do, but I love how upbeat this entry is! I know what you mean about how people think you know so much. Isn't the "wisdom that comes with age" wonderful? My staff all think I know everything, too LOL
2002-06-10 17:50:48 SheSeemsSweet
At least they have someone to looks up to at work...
2002-06-23 23:04:04 Bernadette099
I too, am behind on the diaries but so glad to see this. I just know they can learn from you and you sound like you are enjoying yourself. 50 eh, well, I only have two years on you so welcome to the half century club. Glad to see you are sleeping so well also. I am still working on that. Take care Jane and congrats!!!
2002-07-16 08:19:15 Freedoms Wings
Glad to know all is going well.
2002-07-20 06:25:09 peacemaker
Hey Jane I worry when I don't hear from you. The last time was when you were depressed for a long time. I will email you to see what is up. I hope all is well with you and you are just too busy in the new position.
2002-10-20 06:51:30 peacemaker
No new again. I will email you. hope all is well. We 50 types have to look after one another! 10/20/02.
---End notes---
2004-11-18 21:20:00 She's back!
My goodness. For reasons I don’t understand, I recently started getting e-mails informing me of updates to this site of some of my favorite writers. I had forgotten I even had this diary. I’ll try to find time to read through it.It’s been nearly two and a half years! So much has happened. The biggest change has been my weight. I’ve lost more than 140 pounds in the past 13 months. I was going to have gastric bypass, but ended up losing through diet and exercise. I hope to lose about 30 more pounds and then have plastic surgery to remove a LOT of excess skin.I’ll update again soon, I hope.Kasey (Jane Skye So)
---Notes---
2004-11-18 20:35:48 Tyche
Wow!!!! I started getting e-mails on updates too. I didn't really pay attention to any of them, though, until I saw that you had updated. How incredibly cool!!! I always wondered how your new job was going, though if it's been two and a half years, it's not exactly new any more. :-) I am so thrilled to see that you updated!! I left MDD about two years ago; I hang out at Xanga with a bunch of other former MDDers. :-)
2004-11-20 11:00:22 Asteri
Hey, if there's someone I wasn't expecting to have news again from it's you. I am really glad you dediced to post. I was very curious about your whereabouts. I too lost 100 pounds and I feel much better. I am very glad things in your life seem to be fine. If you can, e-mail me to asteri@writeme.com. {{{Hugs}}}
2004-11-20 19:17:46 truthseeker
Welcome back!
---End notes---
2004-11-23 12:12:12 Weekend exercise and more
I used my free time on the weekend to make up for missing four days at the gym because I had to deal the aftermath of the burglary. I spent more than two hours doing the treadmill, elliptical trainer and stationary bike Saturday (when I slept too late to make the 9:15 a.m. aerobics class) and another 90 minutes on the same machines on Sunday.Saturday night, I attended a party downtown thrown by a coworker who will be going on “Jeopardy.” He’s flying to California today and will tape the episode(s) tomorrow. No word yet on when they will be broadcast.I had good food at the party, but not too much, and one alcoholic drink — a Dark and Stormy. It won’t replace Kahlua and Cream as my favorite drink, but I liked it.I had a great time talking with coworkers and meeting new people.Today, I had thought salesman for door stores would come, but none did. I guess I got the dates wrong and I hope someone will visit tomorrow. I’m very eager to get the back door replaced. It’s secure now, but someone could do the same thing — break the glass and remove the lock — again.I also sucked up three large trash bags full of leaves from my yard (I have a leaf blower/sucker) and went to the dentist, who told me I'm looking “skinny.”Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
2004-11-23 12:12:12 Update: What About Wayne?
Former regulars of my diary know that my most pathetic ruminations involved my intense feelings, angst, disappointment, lust and confusion over a man named Wayne.Wayne and I worked at the Nightmare on Calvert Street. Our friendship expanded into something wonderful and strange, and I fell in love with him. We were very close, but I wanted more from the relationship than he. Wayne, I believed, simply did not find me sexually attractive, although I know he cared for me deeply.So we lurched along, I wanting us to be lovers, and he wanting us to be friends.He won.I left the Nightmare on Calvert Street, and he stayed for two more years, then left in January. He was happily unemployed, partying and traveling, before taking a great job last month as senior editor of two artistic magazines with offices less than two miles from his apartment. Wayne now has his own office, works 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Mondays through Fridays with all holidays off. He wears a tie to work every day.Little has changed about our relationship. We remain close, although we don’t spend as much time together or even communicating via phone or e-mail as we used to. Wayne remains very much a part of my life. He went with me to see the bariatric surgeon, intending to take care of me during recovery, and he did accompany me during and take care of me afterward when I had wrist surgery in April. Wayne was the second person I called (the cops were first, natch) after I discovered my house was burglarized last weekend. He came right over, and this week, drove miles away to pick up ny new laptop at the shipper’s while I was at work.We still have keys to each other’s homes, and we still get together for entertainment and food once a month or so.But we never became lovers, as I so fervently hoped.Am I still in love with Wayne? Probably not. I’m hoping that other men will notice me now that I’ve lost so much weight, although that has not happened. I know that no matter how much weight I lose, or how much plastic surgery I have, Wayne won’t view me as sexually attractive, and that hurts me. And if he ever made a pass at me, I’d jump his bones in a New York minute.Pathetic, aren’t I?Kaseyaka Jane Skye So
---Notes---
2004-11-25 03:21:33 peacemaker
Hi Kasey, It is great to have you back. I was so glad to catch up on your life and have thought of you frequently. Unlike yourself I have gained some weight back. I was 199 after a hernia surgery and diet and exercise. I maintained for years. I focused on this past election and not on exercise and now am trying to get back. I admire your determination and efforts. Thanks for the W2 catch up, my love life is not much different than when you left. Fyre is still in MA. with her two girls, and Celeste aka Bernedette is still with Eddie in MN. I have maintained contact with them from 1999 on and off. I have a yahoo IM and so does Bernedette, so we stay in touch periodically. I should give you a call some night just for the hell of it. I remember tracking you down once but you hadn't come in yet. Congratulations on your persistence and success in life changes that added a number of years to your life time. Way to go! You have it seems continued to grow and deepen your self understanding and self acceptence. Not passive self acceptance,but that kind of St. Francis prayer acceptance that is realistically based. I have always been one of your admirers. Keep up the good work.Peacemaker aka Joe
2004-11-25 07:48:02 Tyche
Thanks for sharing the pictures - you are right - there is such a difference in how you look now!!! You do look years younger and you look great!!!It's been a lot of work for you (now *there's* an understatement!!), but it looks like it's paying off. You'll be around longer, and I like that. :-) You know, I never thought Dove bars were good enough to merit all the calories they are anyway.But you, it's not just looks. You "sound" better now than you did before. You sound happier than you did before. I think you're doing just great!
2004-11-26 09:45:26 Asteri
Thanks a lot for posting this information. You're definitely not pathetic. It is great that you're still a very good friend of Wayne. He doesn't seem like the kind of man just worth for a romance and not for a friendship. You're once again to be admired because you're able to handle this situation unlike people like, Me!{{{Hugs}}}
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